Thursday, 6 September 2007

Rules of Commuting

There is this group on facebook called "I secretly want to punch slow walking people in the back of the head"; now for me this is not secretive. I mutter, hiss, throw my eyes around, glare and generally walk on the back of the heels of these slow people.

I mean REALLY! If you are travelling during rush hour commuting times in London please do NOT walk at a snails pace. Tourists should be banned from using the tube between the hours of 7-10am and 5-8pm during the week. They annoy me.

So from one girl who commutes that horrid route every day to all those others out there please can you obey these basic rules?

1) Do NOT stand on the left hand side of the escalator - this is reserved for the many of us who wish to walk up/down in order to get home as quick as possible

2) Coming to a standstill in front of the ticket turnstiles and then searching for your travel card whilst a queue forms behind you is not good protocol - PLEASE have it in hand before approaching the entrance/exit

3) When you do get to the front of the queue to buy your ticket please do not get confused with the money and argue with the ticket seller over the exchange rate/price. Quickly ask for you ticket, pay and leave.

4) Dragging wheelie suitcases behind you during rush hour is just stupid. And dangerous.

5) Yes we are all pressed up against each other but this is not an excuse to feel my arse.

6) Stand on either side of the door to allow people to exit as quick as possible. Do not block their exit or my entry as this just confuses things and I REALLY want to get home.

7) I do not want to talk to you. Mornings are not a happy place. Silence is golden.

8) When I sigh with frustration because of a delay on the track due to someone throwing themselves in front of the train please remember that this is because I encounter it way too often and not because I am a heartless bitch.


MsMozi said...

Agreed - and my pet peeve from when I still lived in London was when the strange gypsy types hop on board with bizarre musical instruments and expect you to pay them for their dreadful performance.

Varen said...

here's a solution.. one morning just keep walking.. i.e.

"SLAM" .. oh i'm so sorry i didn't see you there..

2 minutes later..

"SLAM, WHACK" so sorry...

repeat until grinning..


The Divine Miss M said...

msmozi - I hate them! And then there is the begger who comes on and makes a joke about asking you for £50 which he'll pay you back for next week. They think we haven't heard it before! Fuckers.

varen - I so must try that ... hmmm ... ;)

TBHanks said...

You could also just sing very loudly or walk around with a whoopee cushion so people back off. Talking to yourself also tends to get people moving away from you.

phillygirl said...

Pahahaha and here we are back in Sunny SA complaining about those damn taxis ... guess everywhere (and every mode of travel) has it's own set of associated pet-peeves!

The Divine Miss M said...

Yes but the London Underground is in a league of it's own. Summer time it is about 50 degrees and you are packed like sardines next to someone who smells as if they haven't had a bath in days.

I mean serious, who smells of BO at 8am in the morning?!

TBHanks said...

Who? Who? You obviously haven't caught a taxi from Mowbray ramp to UCT in the morning. Then a Jammie shuttle up at 8am...
Or then had to sit next to someone in DOH100 who pongs like bokram on a bad day...

The Divine Miss M said...

How though?! Do they not wash their clothing? Themselves? Do they think it is attractive?


TBHanks said...

Maybe just overactive sweat glands and an underappreciation for deodorant?

Amy said...

Argh - I always wanted to get some deodorant company to run a promotion at UCT where they have out free deodorant. The entire Arts Block constantly stinks of sweat.

I think its that people don't wash their clothes or themselves. Yuck.

I sympathise about the tube tho - it took me exactly 1 day to figure out how it worked and get it right. What's wrong with people? Do they not read? There are big signs up saying not to stand on the left.

The Divine Miss M said...


I think that there is a club out there which has members who's sole job in life it is to annoy the crap out of commuters in London ;)