TV Insanity

Now I don't know what it is but it seems that when you work on the creative side of Television you lose your grasp on reality quite quickly. All of a sudden the impossible becomes the possible and you suddenly develop all these grand and amazing ideas which will just look absolutely amazing once they are implemented onto the show. Now this is all wonderful in the moment but it is left up to the poor Production staff to actually make these silver lining dreams a reality and boy are most of these just complete dreams. How many of us have had phone calls at midnight as the director has suddenly realised that he is in the middle of nowhere and needs a hotel for the night - never mind the fact that it is midnight, you're asleep and don't have access to a list of hotels in the area, that is of course if the director has actually been kind enough to inform you where they are. My personal favourite was getting a panicked phone call from the runner as the director had phoned her to say that his train was now delayed and coming into a different train station and could she please collect him - when asked where and what time he informed her that he was in the quiet carriage and couldn't talk. Or better yet the same director who refuses to drink any water which isn't Volvic and has me research restaurants in the vicinity of where he is heading to film just so that he can plan his meals in advance. Or how he decides to change the shoot location and details 5 times in one day - each time just after we have finished putting everything together. OR how about calling me up at 7pm on a Friday evening and informing me that he needs a blacked out, white moving van, without any markings of any kind and bank area large enough for 5 people to sit quite comfortably in - Oh it would also be good if there was a sun roof so that people could have some air but no windows because then everyone would be allowed in - you know I don't think that that vehicle exists at the best of times but especially not at 7pm on a Friday to be delivered by 730am on the Saturday!

There are apparently no such words as "No" or "that is not possible" in Television Production. I have found myself wheeling a life sized cut out of a Zebu (type of cow for the uninformed) down a main road on a skateboard because I was not able to find another single soul who was willing to. Recently I watched in total fear as a cameraman walked into the middle of Oxford Street in rush hour traffic, sat down and got what he told me was "the money shot" for some GV's of Selfridges. IN RUSH HOUR?! Oxford St is probably the most busy street in London and I was standing on the sidewalk screaming in utter panic whilst a bunch of tourist stared at me and started taking photographs.