Friday, 17 April 2009

Never trust Google Maps

Today I did my first visit to The Job Centre in order to sign officially on to The Dole.

My appointment was at 1055 with my personal advisor - Advisor Number 2 - So personal she has a number instead of a name.

In great anticipation of meeting with Advisor Number 2 I left the house at 0950, these are the true events that followed.

0952 - Realise it is actually quite cold and go back home to get a jacket

0955 - Depart the house, again

1000 - Arrive at bus stop

1014 - 156 bus arrives, I appear to have timed this well with travel

1030 - Bus arrives at the designated stop according to google maps. I start walking in the planned direction

1040 - Still walking, no sign of the job centre

1041 - Panicked phone call to Lopz, don't know where I am going and everything looks the same. Stupid London.

1042 - Lopz quickly confers with Google Maps, I am in the right area but neither of us understand where exactly the Job Centre is as it is located in the middle of a green patch according to GM.

1043 - Hyperventilating done by myself, can not afford to miss The Dole meeting

1044 - Start walking back in the direction I came from desperately searching for this supposed street name

1048 - Still nothing, Lopz offers to call the Job Centre and solve the mystery

1052 - I ask a chavvy passerby if they can help. What a surprise, the Chav knows where the job centre is. And who says that typecasting is politically incorrect?

1057 - After desperately running down the road I make it in to the Job Centre just behind schedule. Am sent to wait on a couch.

1100 - Chav staring at me. Could it possibly be because I am staring at him?

1101 - Break staring match with chav. Thankful for safety of people in the room. Think he might be mad.

1103 - Girl in pink velour tracksuit walks in. Again, who said that stereotyping was politically incorrect?

1107 - Advisor Number 2 comes to collect me. Her name tag says Babs.

1110 - Babs informs me that I was sent to the wrong Job Centre and that they don't deal with my postcode. Have to repeat the same mission tomorrow morning in Kingston.

1115 - Exit Job Centre and scream

Tomorrow had better be less exciting.

Babs promised me it would be.

1155 - Arrive back home and curl up on the couch to watch Gossip Girls.


Annie Valentine said...

You need to write a jobless memoir. I am so serious.

The Divine Miss M said...

Well this is kind of it now hey ... writing is sort of the only thing I've got going at the moment!

Mike said...

What's a chav?

The Divine Miss M said...

Chav - a person of British descent who has no class, wears tracksuits (often Burberry) and usually has no job.

They also tend to breed in their teens & live off the state

Usually poorly educated and fairly agressive.

Good times.

kyknoord said...

stereotyping is only politically incorrect if you express surprise/shock/horror when someone breaks the mould. Otherwise, it's all good.

Shivz said...

C.H.A.V. = Council House and Violent (apparently!)

description above!!!