Thursday, 13 March 2008

Your job could be worse

So you know how I gripe on about how absurd some people are that work in TV? Well today my best friend - Miss P - forwarded on a description of a normal day of working in Juba, Sudan. Just imagine if this was your job.

It was a normal night at the good old Bedouin bar. I arrived after my midday rest and I began to do the usual opening up things for evening service.

Miss P: Do we have all the items on the menu?

Chef: No.

Miss P: Why not?

Chef: Well, the cows were sick this week so we don't have any beef.

Miss P: Ok, I can live with that. What else?

Chef: Weeeell, we don't have any cheese.

Miss P: WHAT? Why not?

Chef: Somebody put it in the freezer and now its solid. But we can always get cheese from the market...

Miss P: They sell cheese at the market??? I have never seen it!

Chef: Well, its in a tin.

Miss P: In a tin?

Chef: In a tin.

Miss P: Fine, get some. Anything else?

Chef: We don't have a dessert on the menu. But we could do a banana split I suppose.

Miss P: Excellent. That's the kind of initiative I am looking for!

I walked away feeling that maybe the chefs were learning. Excellent. Next item..

Miss P: Do we have enough alcohol in the freezers for tonight? (fridges don't cool stuff down fast enough)

Barman: Ummm, well, there' a problem there.

Miss P: What now?

Barman: The freezers aren't working.

Miss P: They aren't working. Why?

Barman: I don't know, madam.

Miss P: Did you speak to the electrician?

Barman: No, he has malaria.

Miss P: So how long have they been off for?

Barman: 24 hours

Miss P: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?!?!?!?!?!!? Fine, lets have a look at them then... OK, you see this button here?

Barman: The white one?

Miss P: Yes, the white one. Whats that next to it?

Barman: A plug?

Miss P: Yes. Now watch carefully..... You turn the plug on like this..

Finally I felt that everything was marginally under control. And the customers started coming in.... I decide to head to the kitchen to check how things were going on this surprisingly smooth running night and as I passed the bar I am passed by a waitress carrying something rather odd looking.

Miss P: Glancing in confusion at the plate What is that?

Waitress: Shrugging and staring at Miss P in confusion I don't know, the chef just told me to take it

Miss P: Dragging her into the kitchen Come with me. CHEF! What on EARTH is this?

Chef: Madam, THAT is the banana split.

The Chef watched in consternation as Miss P crumpled to the floor in hysteria. For sitting forlornly in the middle of the plate is nothing but a banana cut in half.

That's what you get for trusting initiative.


The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh good God! That is RIDICULOUS! Hahahahaha!! About going to

The Divine Miss M said...

I know!!!

But what fun ;)

Meghan said...

Well, techincally the banana waaaaas split :P

The Divine Miss M said...

Very true Meghan. Very true.

Lopz said...

Oh my word, I am so grateful for my job right now!

The Divine Miss M said...

@lopz - As I said, it could always be worse!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Oh my god that is hilarious! I'm not sure if I could deal with that, but it is funny.


KaB said...

Hysteria = large amounts of laughing?!? If she did fall to the ground pissing herself, at least you know she sees the bright side of things?!?

It is very funny though :) & the plug thing is just too priceless!

Haiwenna...I don't think I can handle the 'no thinking' caps...would drive me bloody bonkers!

Bridget said...

Now more than ever, I want to live in the Sudan. Warm beer and interesting cuisine eaten with a touch of red sand.

The Divine Miss M said...

@pdx - Everyday I get a new an interesting story. She just got back from hospital though where she has been recovering from some virus she picked up!

@kab - Oh yes, Miss P has the best sense of humour ever :)

@bridget - I think we should set up a tourist "Come to Sudan" advert shouldn't we?

Glugster said...

Holy crap! I must take my hat off to Miss P. I would not be able to keep my cool like that.

The Divine Miss M said...

Yes glugster she is cool. Right now she is bouncing around stressing about a party they are hosting and trying to plan a new menu.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It’s not just like that in Juba. I’ve frequented some U.S bars that are similar—I even once co-managed one.

misstig said...

if thats a banana split I would hate to see more complicated things like creme brulee and chocolate mousse..
Lets go to Sudan and order exotic!!

The Divine Miss M said...

@nick - damn ye. Service in the UK is one of the worst things ever.

@misstig - Ye let's! We can torment Miss P by asking for things like creme brulee, pannacotta and deep fried camembert.

Granted I probably wouldn't EAT the food.

Sorry Miss P.

Mike said...

Ok, seriously, you HAVE to take this job in Sudan.

Barring malaria or getting shot, the journal you could write would win you some sort of award.

If you didn't, I'd give you an award.

Start packin' lady!

The Divine Miss M said...

Mike it would be fun wouldn't it?!

I do have to stress again though that there is no Job Offer from Sudan, just a best friend who is trying her damndest to get me to come and join her out there.

I am so tempted. Especially after this weeks time at the office.