You Have Mail

I have an aversion to emails.

It isn't like I don't appreciate the wonders of modern technology, the speed by which it can reach people across the world and how it allows me to keep in contact with my mother without actually having to phone her everyday as that could get expensive!

But I detest the ability it gives people to constantly email me things without talking to me.

I am working with a girl who sits directly behind me, I can hear everything she does and can listen to her personal phone calls. (They are ever so interesting) Yet she insists on emailing me instead of talking to me.

It annoys me.

Every 10 minutes or so this email pops into my inbox requesting me to do something. In fact one even came in as I'm typing right now. She says it is so she has a record of everything but it is so annoying to me.

Email is removing the need for us to actually have face to face conversations.

It's weird.

Granted I do love email when I can ping messages across the room to my colleagues gossiping about the person sitting beside us. And I love emails for when we put 10 of us in an email trying to figure out where we are going to for lunch. But I hate emails for when I get into the office and there are 40 sitting in my inbox that I have to sift through.

Even more I hate people who CC me in on emails that I don't need to be in on! I feel as if I actually have to read the entire thing. It is such a waste of my day.

I could be blogging instead.

Ps - It didn't go too badly with The German but I am definitely glad that he is gone. He ended up sitting next to me at Sunday lunch yesterday and made references to our shared history in private to me which made me feel rather uncomfortable. Brings emotions back that I don't need or want.

I'm so glad it is over.

A change of topic is needed

Isn't it funny that no matter how much you grow or change as a person one event or evening spent in the company of someone can make you feel as if nothing has ever changed?

My life really has changed dramatically in the past 3 and a half years. For starters I moved to London and managed to find my first job in TV - something quite a few people thought I'd never manage. I've learnt a lot about myself and have grown up considerably.

I can't really explain how I've changed but if you knew me in university and you knew me now you would definitely notice the extensive change.

One thing can always throw me back and off route though.

The German*.

The boy I dedicated almost 3 years of my life too. The boy who broke my heart numerous times. The boy who wouldn't commit to me for all those years in case someone better came along.

I was an emotional wreck for most of those years. So insecure and constantly battling in some way to keep his attention. His friends thought I was completely mad and most likely thought I was a pathetic idiot for actually being there.

The German would keep me around by every so often being this lovely, sweet, kind and caring boy who seemed to genuinely have emotions for me. But then the next week he'd be chasing some girl at work - when she rejected him he'd be back to me.

I don't know why I actually hung around. Perhaps because he beat my confidence to the ground - I was too fat, needed to lose weight, I was childish, I was loud, I didn't know what I was talking about - I didn't think I could get anyone else.**

Perhaps I was in love. The Queen of Melodrama (his best friend) thinks I was in love with him. I hope not. Doesn't say much for my choice in men.

I'd love to say that moving to London was my escape but somehow I ended up back there at the end of 2005 - the last time he broke my heart really was the worst for me. So now I have been 2 and a half years German free.

This week sees a visit of A Swan to London. I haven't seen him in a couple of years so it is wonderful but unfortunately his arrival heralds the German flying over to London to "party it up like old times".

I have to see him. I can't really avoid it. To prepare we've been having vague conversations on Google Talk which haven't been too bad. But I'm terrified to see him.

Not because I hate him. Not because I still care about him. But because I hate who I was when I was with him.

I don't ever want to see that girl again.

I'm going to be strong this weekend and I am going to banish her forever.

I suppose this is the final test.

*Yes this is the reason I can't stand Germans

**I would like to say for the record that The German can actually be a good guy. In fact he is a good guy by all accounts from his extensive group of friends. He was just an asshole to me.