Introductory speech

So this year I worked on my very first feature film. A Universal Studios major feature film. Quite a stamp to have on my CV I must say but definitely not as glamorous as it is sold to be.

15 hour days, 6 days a week for 2 months. I was like the walking dead half way through it. Never seeing the outside world, never seeing my friends and most horribly actually getting used to it and enjoying the torture!

I finally understand Stockholm Syndrome.

The South African team was led by The Sheriff. This man has a firm grasp of money and movies but is one scary ass motherfucker.

He screams.

A lot.

And not in a nice way.

Week 2 in to the film he made me cry. In fact I had a full blown panic attack which involved hyperventilating, cold wash clothes on my forehead, breathing in to a paper bag and tears. Oh so embarrassing but apparently you're not really in the industry unless The Sheriff has made you cry.

Our American Producers I shall coin "Asshole" and "Mini - Me".

Mini-Me was so far up Asshole's namesake that I'm surprised if he ever came out for air. To be fair he was 25 and an Assistant Producer for Universal Studios and had been given this chance by Asshole after 4 years of servitude to the ... well ... Asshole. He wasn't going to mess up for love or money and we had to know about this.

My team were lovely except for Bitch. She could be oh so sweet and then viciously take you down in one fell swoop. There was no yelling. No that was not her style. She'd rather calmly insult your intelligence/activity/personality gently and sadistically in front of the entire office.

Personally I'd take The Sheriff any day.

So now you've met the characters.

Let's get on with the story.