Breaking out

Do you ever get bored of who you are? Bored of the fact that everyone always sees you in the same way and you almost become typecast in to your specific role within a group and then that is the only way that people view you.

I'm tired of being the "funny one" or the "sweet innocent one"; I want to be the bombshell, I want to be the wild one, I want to be someone that people notice.

I don't want people to be able to second guess my actions, I want people to stand back and say wow.

At the moment I'm safe. I'm predictable. I'm not absurd. I consider everything first. I'm stubborn as hell.

I suppose this is because the closer and closer I get to being unemployed without any sign of another job the more I start to question everything about myself. It is like having a mini midlife crisis at 26.

I wish it was possible to swap lives with someone for a day; I want to experience what it is like to not be me, to be one of those spotlight people without actually having to commit to anything.

Am I making any sense?

I want to take a vacation from my life but be able to come back without any consequences from my actions during the little hiatus.

Perhaps I will reinvent myself at 26 - watch out people, here comes the new (not too sure if it is improved) Miss M!

Overheard in the Office

Miss M was just sitting at her computer, minding her own business and putting a call sheet together when she noticed 3 of her senior Creative and Production staff gathered around one computer. This was the conversation that followed.

Series Director: Oh wow, I could dress my dog in that outfit!

Director: Why would you do that to your dog? No one wants to dress as the pope. Hey but look there is an adult version of a Father Christmas outfit, maybe we can get a contestant to wear that.

Line Manager: What kinky shit are you people looking at?

Series Director: What do you mean?

Line Manager: Dressing up in a Santa suit ...

Director: Stares at her blankly Umm ... what's wrong with wearing a Santa suit? People do it every year?

Line Manager: Goes bright red Oh, I thought you were looking at an adult kinky costume website

Series Director and Director start laughing hysterically

Series Director: Why on earth would we be doing that?!

Line Manager: Well .. I don't know .. Stranger things have happened in this office!

And that my dear reader is very true. But I shall leave that for another time.

I promise I wasn't smoking Mum

The office that I work in has 22 floors and there are two times of the day when these elevators are in constant demand - Office Rush Hour. At these times the lifts will basically stop on every single floor on the way up and on the way down. It is incredibly frustrating and when all I want to do is leave the building I can feel my blood pressure climbing higher and higher at every single floor. And I only have 10 to go down, imagine being on the 22nd floor!

The elevators are the most quiet place in the whole building. Sometimes I wish that I could stop one between floors, drag my desk into it and work from there - but that wouldn't really be practical on so many levels would it? (haha I amuse myself)

So last night I got into a completely packed elevator on my floor and prepared myself for the long descent.

Now has anyone ever noticed how no one speaks in an elevator? You just stare at the screen displaying which floor we are arriving at or passing. Now I don't know why but I found this highly amusing last night.

Finds her spot in the elevator by jamming a couple of smaller people with her elbows

Spots a colleague at the far end of the elevator and waves politely; neither of us actually speak to one another

Miss M decides to look around the rest of the elevator

Miss M realises that EVERYONE is staring at the little screen except her

Miss M starts to giggle

Floor 9

Miss M starts to giggle louder

Floor 7

Miss M has almost reached a point of hysterics

Floor 5

Miss M actually has tears running down her cheeks with the effort of trying not to laugh any harder

Ground

I have never seen people depart an elevator so fast in their life nor with such scared expressions on their faces.

And I still have no idea what I found so funny.

Make up your mind, please!

So today I decided that I should drop my line manager a quick note just to find out who I will be reporting to on Monday and what time I should arrive - this is what I got back.

"Hi Miss M. Can you stay put where you are for the moment. We'll know more next Tuesday. We were planning to move you off (said show) and give you something else but I am awaiting news and no-one is back til next week. Can you bear with us for now?"

What is that suppose to mean? I'm contracted from Monday, I haven't worked in a month and I desperately need the cash! I can't hang around until they make their minds up?! Stay where I am? That isn't a problem, I haven't actually left the house in 48 hours but I don't know if I can take it anymore. Will they pay me for being trapped inside my house? So I thought I'd mail her back and point out the fact that I'm contracted from Monday and that I desperately need the cash - This is what I got back.

"I think as we had already contracted you from the 7th you should turn up at (the office) , (unless you are happy to take a later start?) You might find yourself treading water for a week or two so if you could bear with us. We wouldn't just cancel a contract at such short notice I promise you. Its just that (The New Show) may be hitting us any minute and I am awaiting news on this as we would like you to do this one as and when it starts."

Treading water for a couple of weeks? Any ideas on what THAT means? Seriously woman, what am I going to be doing? I'm not even on a specific show now, I'm basically showing up to the office and doing sweet fuck all for a week or two. Hey - I probably could not even show up and no one would be any of the wiser.

Hey, if they're stupid enough to pay me for doing nothing I shouldn't be complaining. But I must admit I don't know what is worse - sitting at home and going stir crazy, or sitting at work where I don't know what I'll be doing.

Next week is not looking so rosy.