Job Opening

NEEDED

1 x Production Co-ordinator

Must be calm under pressure, able to multi-task and prioritise, be super friendly and pro-active. If you are not super organised please do not bother to apply.

Candidate must be able to magic up flights, trains and taxis to and from locations to pacify grumpy editorial teams regardless of whether these facilities are actually running. Previous Co-ordinator convinced airline to specially run a flight just to get a tired Director back to his home.

They must never frown and always be smiley, happy and never let anything be a problem.

Candidate should not go postal and kill entire Editorial team because they are incapable of cementing anything until 5 minutes before 6pm therefore forcing the co-ordinator to stay at work for a further 3 hours whilst desperately trying to contact companies that are long shut.

It is imperative that the Co-ordinator does not have a social life and nor should they want to have one in the near future whilst the show is in Production.

Please note that the words "no" or "I can not do this" are not allowed to be uttered and voicing of either will incur the candidate being fire immediately.

Please apply via email and set your CV through.

If you blag it, make sure you can do it.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall ...

Living in London can be hard. I really only remember just how hard when I've spent some time away.

This past weekend I went to Northumberland with Jailbait to do some climbing and to visit my Uncle and cousins.

It was amazing.

The open space, the clean air, the villages and just the general peacefulness and isolation. I did not want to return last night.

Living in London you are just another nameless face on a crowded street. People push right passed you and don't even notice you or care about your story.

Out there people were greeting me in the street, waving at us as we drove passed and just made me feel more at home than an entire 3 and a half years of living in London has done.

Don't get me wrong, I love living in London but I can not see myself settling here for all of eternity. At the moment the work is good, the travel prospects are amazing and the opportunities that London hands to me are unmissable.

Living back in Cape Town there is no way I'd be working on an award winning television show, no way I'd be able to book a trip to Belgium last minute or a climbing holiday to Sardinia and no way I'd learn so much more about different cultures.

But London is not a home.

It is a means to an end.

Though one does have to start asking - How long am I going to continue this means? What is the maximum time that I can see myself living in this city before I start to lose my soul?

I sometimes dream about moving out to the countryside. I can see myself living in a stone farmhouse, couple of children, baking, pottering outside in my wellies and waving hello to the neighbours as they wander into the village.

I wake up and I can't decide if it is a nightmare or a fantasy.

One thing is for sure though - I am going to have to start considering seriously what my time frame for London living is.

Perhaps I could move out to Canada for a bit, experience life there. Or I could pack up and go live in the French countryside for a year, brush up on my French and experience life in that degree.

Or I could become some high powered Television Executive for a major Network and spend my life in the office and then traveling home via a chauffeured car to my Holland Park townhouse where my child will have been put to bed by the nanny not even realising that their Mother was not home to read them a bedtime story.

I wonder what version I'll become.

Suicide Workers

Phone conversation

Colleague: I'm looking for a grenade.

Colleague: Yes, the type that would be used over in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Colleague: Great. Would it be possible for me to buy one?

Well I'm worried.

Who else thinks that she might be attempting to blow up the office due to the high stress environment that we work in?

I might sometimes hate my job - but not THAT much!

I am though sorry to disappoint but she is in fact sourcing props for reconstruction shoot we are doing next week - but I did find it a classic conversation to eavesdrop on!

Update on the email mad colleague:

We have spoken very little vocally today and I unfortunately have now gotten into this whole emailing thing.

Yes people over 2 days I have gotten into the swing of it and am now emailing EVERYONE about EVERYTHING. Colleague and I are even sharing personal giggles over email instead of turning around and talking too each other.

Granted the one time we did actually talk to each other today about something - in whispered tones - the Series Producer came over to find out what was wrong.

So maybe email is the way to go?

Emailed received a minute ago

It’s nuts – I literally haven’t stopped typing all day! Like a reconstruction call centre ha ha! x

At least she knows her downfalls?

You Have Mail

I have an aversion to emails.

It isn't like I don't appreciate the wonders of modern technology, the speed by which it can reach people across the world and how it allows me to keep in contact with my mother without actually having to phone her everyday as that could get expensive!

But I detest the ability it gives people to constantly email me things without talking to me.

I am working with a girl who sits directly behind me, I can hear everything she does and can listen to her personal phone calls. (They are ever so interesting) Yet she insists on emailing me instead of talking to me.

It annoys me.

Every 10 minutes or so this email pops into my inbox requesting me to do something. In fact one even came in as I'm typing right now. She says it is so she has a record of everything but it is so annoying to me.

Email is removing the need for us to actually have face to face conversations.

It's weird.

Granted I do love email when I can ping messages across the room to my colleagues gossiping about the person sitting beside us. And I love emails for when we put 10 of us in an email trying to figure out where we are going to for lunch. But I hate emails for when I get into the office and there are 40 sitting in my inbox that I have to sift through.

Even more I hate people who CC me in on emails that I don't need to be in on! I feel as if I actually have to read the entire thing. It is such a waste of my day.

I could be blogging instead.

Ps - It didn't go too badly with The German but I am definitely glad that he is gone. He ended up sitting next to me at Sunday lunch yesterday and made references to our shared history in private to me which made me feel rather uncomfortable. Brings emotions back that I don't need or want.

I'm so glad it is over.

Frustration at the Highest Level

I have a place reserved in my heart for people who are Jobsworth.

Those special people who only do what is required for them to say that they have done the job. They do you no favours and end up quoting all the "rules and regulations" to you.

I'm talking about people like Traffic Wardens who stand by your car waiting for the metre to expire and fine you immediately.

Or the wonderful Archive Tape Library who do *just* what you ask and nothing more.

A couple of days ago I emailed them with numerous Production Numbers and asked for the SAFETY (the copy of the Master show which can be released to us Plebs if needs be for anything) copies of those shows to be pulled out of archive for me use.

They mailed me back and gave me the details for all the shows and each of the 4 parts. I didn't question this as from previous shows there have been 4 parts.

This morning the Edit Producer gets back to us because he is missing a segment on the show as it isn't on the footage we had digitised in. My colleague and I stared at each other and thought

There couldn't possibly be any more to it could there?

So we emailed the Tape Library and they promptly got back to us saying

Yes there is another tape which is part 5 and 6.

WHAT????

Why didn't we get this in the first place?

Apparently I only requested the Safety's and this tape is a Master as there are no Safety copies so they didn't think it was important to inform me since I ONLY asked for the Safeties.

Never mind that I asked for the whole programme.

Stupid bastards can cover their backs that way.

Miss M is NOT impressed.

A change of topic is needed

Isn't it funny that no matter how much you grow or change as a person one event or evening spent in the company of someone can make you feel as if nothing has ever changed?

My life really has changed dramatically in the past 3 and a half years. For starters I moved to London and managed to find my first job in TV - something quite a few people thought I'd never manage. I've learnt a lot about myself and have grown up considerably.

I can't really explain how I've changed but if you knew me in university and you knew me now you would definitely notice the extensive change.

One thing can always throw me back and off route though.

The German*.

The boy I dedicated almost 3 years of my life too. The boy who broke my heart numerous times. The boy who wouldn't commit to me for all those years in case someone better came along.

I was an emotional wreck for most of those years. So insecure and constantly battling in some way to keep his attention. His friends thought I was completely mad and most likely thought I was a pathetic idiot for actually being there.

The German would keep me around by every so often being this lovely, sweet, kind and caring boy who seemed to genuinely have emotions for me. But then the next week he'd be chasing some girl at work - when she rejected him he'd be back to me.

I don't know why I actually hung around. Perhaps because he beat my confidence to the ground - I was too fat, needed to lose weight, I was childish, I was loud, I didn't know what I was talking about - I didn't think I could get anyone else.**

Perhaps I was in love. The Queen of Melodrama (his best friend) thinks I was in love with him. I hope not. Doesn't say much for my choice in men.

I'd love to say that moving to London was my escape but somehow I ended up back there at the end of 2005 - the last time he broke my heart really was the worst for me. So now I have been 2 and a half years German free.

This week sees a visit of A Swan to London. I haven't seen him in a couple of years so it is wonderful but unfortunately his arrival heralds the German flying over to London to "party it up like old times".

I have to see him. I can't really avoid it. To prepare we've been having vague conversations on Google Talk which haven't been too bad. But I'm terrified to see him.

Not because I hate him. Not because I still care about him. But because I hate who I was when I was with him.

I don't ever want to see that girl again.

I'm going to be strong this weekend and I am going to banish her forever.

I suppose this is the final test.

*Yes this is the reason I can't stand Germans

**I would like to say for the record that The German can actually be a good guy. In fact he is a good guy by all accounts from his extensive group of friends. He was just an asshole to me.

Are you sick? Fantastic!

Wow.

I really seem to be suffering from a lack of inspiration and real writers block. I keep starting an entry and then deleting it because I think it is utter crap.

Work is not inspiring. I started on our new show but there is very little to do. In fact if this keeps on I might have to start thinking about a different career path.

Though Jailbait keeps pointing out how I should be thinking that work is only a means to get money to go on climbing trips - so having a quiet job, leaving on time and not working weekends is actually a great boon.

One amusing factor about this new show is the type of conversations I keep hearing from the Editorial team's side of the office.

Once again I point out that these are only things you would probably hear in a TV office, or a gathering for some severely sick and twisted individuals (slightly paraphrased however the gist is still the same).

Disclaimer: TV people are not twisted - we just think differently to your average person.

Colleague 1: So I found this girl, she is 6 and has leukemia

Colleague 2: Is it advanced?

Colleague 1: I'm not sure

Colleague 2: We only want really sick children, the sicker the better.

Colleague 1: Ok, I'll find out and if not keep looking.

I promise it isn't as bad as it sounds - I'll explain in a couple of months.

In any other environment I'd be losing my faith in humanity. But this is just TV.

Enjoy the giggle

Due to a lack of inspiration and a thoroughly boring work and personal life I thought I'd post up some funny comments from viewers. I am posting as they are written; grammar, spelling and style of typing.

"Viewer called to say 'I think your competition prize is getting lower and lower. No way should the prize be any less than £3000.00. I want something done about it.'"

- Someone obviously has a bill that needs to be paid of £3000.00. We should all have that mentality. I refuse for the lottery to be less than £10 million pounds - you're just being cheap otherwise.

"I am so annoyed at the constant Big Ben chime at the start and end of the (name of news) news coverage, it is so un-necessary. Your channel must have lost many, many viewers."

- From a chime? I thought we watched shows for entertainment or mental stimulation. The news is for the news, who cares about a single chime at the beginning and the end?!

"I HAVE NOW FOR SEVERAL MONTHS WANTED TO EMAIL YOU AS TO WHY (the news presenter) DOES NOT WINK ANYMORE WHEN HE STARTS HIS NEWS REPORT, WHO HAS STOPPED THIS? I HAVE FOUND THIS LITTLE GESTURE VERY PLEASANT AND INDIVIDUAL TO (the news presenter) AND THE NEWS REPORT, I AM VERY SAD THAT HE DOES NOT DO THIS ANYMORE."

- Perhaps the two of you had a little bit of a falling out?

"Viewer's letter "A man was seen smoking a cigarette tonight. This is not the first time either. A member of the cast was also fingering a fag inside the police station. I am contacting my MP about this lousy practice. Stop it!"

- Thankfully they mentioned cigarette first or I'd be rather worried about this particular statement.

"Viewer called to say, `my daughter is in tears, my wife has run into the garden screaming and I would rather be sitting there answering your calls than watching this rubbish'."

- It's call a remote.

Well I hope you enjoyed these and hopefully I'll have some inspiration soon!

Dilemma

I have a dilemma.

Clearing out the area around my desk today before moving on I have stumbled across a file. This file holds all of the location and contributor release forms from the very first show I worked on here. I don't remember having it, and sure as donkeys don't remember bringing it with me through the 5 other desks that I have sat it in the past year and a half!

It is clearly mine though.

The handwriting is mine and I definitely took care of all of this on the show.

It's all very confusing.

Reason being these little pieces of paper are very important. They stop people from being able to sue the company for not having permission to film them or use the footage. We have to hand in all of these to the Channel when the show is Delivered and they go through all the paperwork.

Now the show was on last year September and has been replayed quite a bit. Now I seem to have the paperwork. How on earth is that?

Why have they suddenly sprung up again and should I hand them in?

I mean what are the chances that someone else sat at this exact desk and did the Post Production Paperwork and left it here? If I hand it in they are going to think I wasn't very good. But I honestly haven't been dragging this file with me everywhere and haven't seen it since August last year when I left the show!

This is so confusing.

Perhaps I'll throw it away.