Conversations in the Lift

Just another lovely conversation overheard by Miss M on the way to her floor

Lovely Old English Gentleman: Sweet quavering voice I can not remember which one it was, they both look the same to me

Lady: Did she have big tits?

LOEG: Peers at her Excuse me?

Lady: Big tits, did she have them?

LOEG: I am not quite understand you, big what?

Lady: Busoms, boobs, knockers, breasts or tits

LOEG: Splutters Oh is that what you are calling them these days

Lady: Welcome to (company name) we say it like it is

I felt so sorry for him as he got off with her at the floor.

He looked very uncomfortable.

Suicide Workers

Phone conversation

Colleague: I'm looking for a grenade.

Colleague: Yes, the type that would be used over in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Colleague: Great. Would it be possible for me to buy one?

Well I'm worried.

Who else thinks that she might be attempting to blow up the office due to the high stress environment that we work in?

I might sometimes hate my job - but not THAT much!

I am though sorry to disappoint but she is in fact sourcing props for reconstruction shoot we are doing next week - but I did find it a classic conversation to eavesdrop on!

Update on the email mad colleague:

We have spoken very little vocally today and I unfortunately have now gotten into this whole emailing thing.

Yes people over 2 days I have gotten into the swing of it and am now emailing EVERYONE about EVERYTHING. Colleague and I are even sharing personal giggles over email instead of turning around and talking too each other.

Granted the one time we did actually talk to each other today about something - in whispered tones - the Series Producer came over to find out what was wrong.

So maybe email is the way to go?

Emailed received a minute ago

It’s nuts – I literally haven’t stopped typing all day! Like a reconstruction call centre ha ha! x

At least she knows her downfalls?

Are you sick? Fantastic!

Wow.

I really seem to be suffering from a lack of inspiration and real writers block. I keep starting an entry and then deleting it because I think it is utter crap.

Work is not inspiring. I started on our new show but there is very little to do. In fact if this keeps on I might have to start thinking about a different career path.

Though Jailbait keeps pointing out how I should be thinking that work is only a means to get money to go on climbing trips - so having a quiet job, leaving on time and not working weekends is actually a great boon.

One amusing factor about this new show is the type of conversations I keep hearing from the Editorial team's side of the office.

Once again I point out that these are only things you would probably hear in a TV office, or a gathering for some severely sick and twisted individuals (slightly paraphrased however the gist is still the same).

Disclaimer: TV people are not twisted - we just think differently to your average person.

Colleague 1: So I found this girl, she is 6 and has leukemia

Colleague 2: Is it advanced?

Colleague 1: I'm not sure

Colleague 2: We only want really sick children, the sicker the better.

Colleague 1: Ok, I'll find out and if not keep looking.

I promise it isn't as bad as it sounds - I'll explain in a couple of months.

In any other environment I'd be losing my faith in humanity. But this is just TV.

Overheard in the Office

Miss M was just sitting at her computer, minding her own business and putting a call sheet together when she noticed 3 of her senior Creative and Production staff gathered around one computer. This was the conversation that followed.

Series Director: Oh wow, I could dress my dog in that outfit!

Director: Why would you do that to your dog? No one wants to dress as the pope. Hey but look there is an adult version of a Father Christmas outfit, maybe we can get a contestant to wear that.

Line Manager: What kinky shit are you people looking at?

Series Director: What do you mean?

Line Manager: Dressing up in a Santa suit ...

Director: Stares at her blankly Umm ... what's wrong with wearing a Santa suit? People do it every year?

Line Manager: Goes bright red Oh, I thought you were looking at an adult kinky costume website

Series Director and Director start laughing hysterically

Series Director: Why on earth would we be doing that?!

Line Manager: Well .. I don't know .. Stranger things have happened in this office!

And that my dear reader is very true. But I shall leave that for another time.

Overheard in the Office 2

One colleague to another on Ritchie from ex boyband 5Ive

Colleague 1: Ye, Ritchie was rather gorgeous

Colleague 2: Really? I never liked him in the band

Colleague 1: Well he is hot now, but his girlfriend was so plain

Colleague 2: No!

Colleague 1: I mean she seemed a nice person and all but I'm all about the looks

Colleague 2: Completely straight face Me too, I totally judge on looks as well

TV People are just the key to humanity aren't they?

Conversation 6

I was lucky enough today to be party to a new game that TV people seem to be playing at the moment.

Miss M innocently sitting and eating her lunch in the cafeteria with a few people from another show

Colleague 1: Right, perfume or pop rock candy?

Colleague 2: Oh man! Either of those are terrible!

Colleague 1: Well you have to choose. If you were being tortured* which of the two would you prefer?

Colleague 2: Umm ... hmm .. ok ... umm ... I'm going to go for the pop rock.

Laughter all round

Colleague 2: Ok, now which would you prefer; sharp stick or a heated up rock?

Colleague 1: That's just cruel!

Colleague 2: Choose!

Colleague 1: Sharp stick.

Ok, now can anyone guess what game they're playing?

Didn't think so.

It's called: What Would You Rather Have Stuck in Your Eye?

*Can anyone think of a form of torture where they stick either of those items in your eye?! Would be a fantastic new one though
Man: No, not the poprock! I can't take the popping noise! Noo!!!! I give in! I'll tell you all my secrets! Just not the poprock!

Conversation 4

Colleague 1: I swear my friends think that all we do all is drink vodka and snort coke

Colleague 2: Well we don't do it ALL the time

Colleague 1: I know! But try to explain that to them

Miss M: How about drinking coke and snorting vodka?

*silence*

Colleague 1: I wonder what that would be like?

Miss M: I'll buy the vodka and you can snort it

Colleague 2: Hmmmm

Colleague 1: It is Friday!

Miss M: You guys are sick ....

New start

Friday night saw the end of my run with my favourite Director as I now have officially started on a new show. Brand new desk with an amazing view of the Thames, new colleagues who so far seem nice and best of all a whole new creative team - who I have yet to meet actually but I'm sure that they can not be as bad as the previous one.

I did have a slightly amusing parting conversation with the Director on Friday evening

Director: I just wanted to say thank you for all of the hard work you've done on this show

Miss M: That's alright, no problem at all. We are here to make your life easier

Director: Well hopefully we can catch up for a drink soon, it would be so nice to see you outside of work.

Miss M: (Completely ignores the question) I'm so excited about starting on my new show

Director: I can imagine, we'll have to do drinks soon so I can hear all about it

Miss M: (Panics) Well I have to run, got some things to finish off before I leave.

Director: (Perhaps still not getting the point) Oh ok, well hopefully see you around

Perhaps the past 3 and a half months have just been a complete figment of my imagination? Did I not have to heed to his every single whim no matter how stupid they were? Did I not get all those phone calls on Saturday afternoons just to complain about things and to make my life difficult? Did he not constantly act superior to me in every way and make my life hell? I don't get it ... Perhaps I was living in an alternate universe. Oh well, NEXT!

Conversation 4

(phone rings)

Miss M: (annoyed with the ringing phone) Hello.

Director: Listen we need to do about 30 minutes of filming tomorrow with the security guard from a previous shoot. Can you please call him and find out if he is available tomorrow.

Miss M: Sure no problem

(phone down and Miss M rings another number)

Miss M: Hi P, are you around tomorrow for some quick filming for your intro to the show?

P: No can do Miss M I'm at my cousins funeral until the late afternoon and it is outside of London so I'm not sure when I'll be back.

Miss M: Oh crap, well don't worry I'll let the director know.

(phone down and Miss M rings another number)

Miss M: Hi, just to let you know P can't do the filming tomorrow because he is at a funeral until late.

*SILENCE*

Director: Can he cancel?

AARRRRGGGGGG

Conversation 3

ABOUT 5 MINUTES AGO

(Phone rings)

Miss M: Hello?

Director: Hi. Tell me; if you had 3 million batteries spare what large object/place/country do you think you could power?

Miss M: I'm not 100% sure

Director: Could you find out?

Miss M: I'm right on it

(puts phone down)

WHAT ON EARTH?!

Conversation 2

(Phone rings)

Miss M: Hello?

Director: Hi, do you know what line I'm calling from?

Miss M: Yes, 3842

Director: Yes I know that but I need the full number

Miss M: I don't have that but if you dial 0 the operator will be able to tell you

Director: Can you not do that for me?

Miss M: No I can't, they won't know what phone I'm dialing from

Director: How annoying, I'm very busy. Is there not any other way?

Miss M: Well other than me walking over to the tower (10 minutes away) and dialing from your phone, no.

Director: This really is annoying, why do you not have the full number?

Miss M: I am so sorry but you never told me the full number when you moved to that room

Director: Ok fine, I'll do it myself. Bye

(phone gets put down)

Miss M: Well you could have done it 15 times over during this pointless conversation!

Conversation 1

Miss M: Hiya, was just giving you a quick call to let you know what time the last train is that you can catch back to London tonight

Director: Oh great. I'll be finishing up with the cameraman at about 530pm so anytime after that

Miss M: Well unfortunately the last train that leaves Dundee and returns direct to London via Edinburgh leaves at 1628.

Director: Well I won't be finished by then.

Miss M: I'm really sorry (I'm apologising for not having a later train?!) but there really are no later trains that will get you back by the end of tonight

Director: I used to live in Edinburgh, I know that trains run through the evening straight to London

Miss M: Ok ... however I have the National Rail website up infront of me and they say that their last train leaving Edinburgh is at 1745 and that is the train which leaves Dundee at 1628. The next one is at 620am the following morning.

Director: That can not be, I definitely remember there being trains later, I have taken them in the past.

Miss M: In the past there might have been but TODAY there are not (starting to get slightly pissed off)

Director: I know that they are

Miss M: Right, well if you would like to risk waiting for a later train you are more than welcome to but according to National Rail there are not anymore.

Director: There must be, I need to leave later.

Miss M: SERIOUSLY there are no more trains! (Really agro at this point)

Director: Ok fine, I'll get on that one.