Enjoy the giggle

Due to a lack of inspiration and a thoroughly boring work and personal life I thought I'd post up some funny comments from viewers. I am posting as they are written; grammar, spelling and style of typing.

"Viewer called to say 'I think your competition prize is getting lower and lower. No way should the prize be any less than £3000.00. I want something done about it.'"

- Someone obviously has a bill that needs to be paid of £3000.00. We should all have that mentality. I refuse for the lottery to be less than £10 million pounds - you're just being cheap otherwise.

"I am so annoyed at the constant Big Ben chime at the start and end of the (name of news) news coverage, it is so un-necessary. Your channel must have lost many, many viewers."

- From a chime? I thought we watched shows for entertainment or mental stimulation. The news is for the news, who cares about a single chime at the beginning and the end?!

"I HAVE NOW FOR SEVERAL MONTHS WANTED TO EMAIL YOU AS TO WHY (the news presenter) DOES NOT WINK ANYMORE WHEN HE STARTS HIS NEWS REPORT, WHO HAS STOPPED THIS? I HAVE FOUND THIS LITTLE GESTURE VERY PLEASANT AND INDIVIDUAL TO (the news presenter) AND THE NEWS REPORT, I AM VERY SAD THAT HE DOES NOT DO THIS ANYMORE."

- Perhaps the two of you had a little bit of a falling out?

"Viewer's letter "A man was seen smoking a cigarette tonight. This is not the first time either. A member of the cast was also fingering a fag inside the police station. I am contacting my MP about this lousy practice. Stop it!"

- Thankfully they mentioned cigarette first or I'd be rather worried about this particular statement.

"Viewer called to say, `my daughter is in tears, my wife has run into the garden screaming and I would rather be sitting there answering your calls than watching this rubbish'."

- It's call a remote.

Well I hope you enjoyed these and hopefully I'll have some inspiration soon!

Duty Log

Some more entertaining comments for the ever faithful Duty Log

"In today's edition of (TV show), (Character) said, " . . . . between Len and I" and " . . . . between Pearl and I". She has always been portrayed as an educated woman with a good command of English. She would, therefore, have correctly said, "me" instead of "I". This is not the first time that this solecism has occurred on (TV Show) - among those guilty of it are (Characters), all educated men. Only ignorant scrip-writers could be responsible for giving the caste such ungrammatical lines to utter.Please send them back to school!"

- Seriously? Waaaaaay too much time on your hands lady!

"Viewer called to say ' why do you put rubbish programmes on on Saturday all the other channels have much better programmes and your viewing figures will bomb.' "

- Umm ... thanks? We hope you lead a happy life too.

"On the starting sequence when (TV Characters) jump on to the roof, for (TV show) . The tiles to begin with are rosmary tiles (small tiles 10.5 inches by 6.5 inches) then they look a each other turn and run and the tiles they are standing on have changed to a luglow plus (larger tile 15inches by 9inches) BIG MISTAKE! totaly different tiles, noted by Britains best roofer."

- Ok, I don't even have a response to that one. I am speechless. Some people really need a life.

"Viewer complained 'Why is the background music so loud on your programmes? It is the dialogue on the programmes. It never used to be this loud. Please sort it out.' "

- Get a hearing aid.

And my ultimate favourite

"I don't approve of seeing two men kissing at this time of night. It is a bloody disgrace!"

- What time would you rather see them kissing then? Early in the morning? Mid afternoon tea? Lunch break? hahahhahaaaa

I love the Duty Log

For Amusement Value

- During the Rugby World Cup

"Viewer's letters complaining there is too much sport, which is replacing regular programming and the soaps. 'What are you thinking of putting b----- RUGBY on TV on Sunday evening prime time television?"

Hmm ... What was blocked out? ;) It it was football no one would be complaining!

- Regarding a popular Soap

"Dear Sir/Madam. The scene in which two homosexual perverts were kissing we found offensive, in fact disgusting. Most decent people in this country of all denominations, not just Christians, view this behaviour between consenting males as something better left behind closed doors and not shown on prime time TV. Despite what the law now allows we have not yet reached the stage when they can stop us believing what is right or wrong and having the freedom to speak these views. All you have achieved with your ridiculous and nauseating story line is to make sure we will never watch (The show) again as a family. Do you really want to end up with an ever decreasing audience or can you perhaps find some intelligent writers who are not so arrogant that they think the decent majority should be treated with contempt?"

Oh my, are we really such a prudish society that this riles people up to much?

- On an advert

This is my favourite actually

"Viewer complained 'Why does the advert only ever show a white person committing benefit fraud? It is not only white people who commit fraud. This is a racist advertisement'."

Definitely NOT South Africa hey? I've never seen someone complain on this side before ... Have you?

Do people not have anything better to do?

In England you can email to the channels if you have a compliment/query/complaint about a television show that you have watched on that specific channel if you wish to air it. This is called The Duty Log. I enjoy reading the duty log for entertainments sake because sometimes the things that people write are just hysterical.

However on my show I have become the contact for the Duty Office to mail all the complaints/compliments/queries to and the past couple of days have been spent finding out what a certain song is, where the celebrity got their dress and other mundane stupid things. There is one that has stuck out to me though and we've all been having a good giggle over -

"I write regarding your ad prior to the (show), which features a very high pitched whistle, this noise is terrifying our King Charles Dog Lady. At the moment we are having to sit to watch (The Channel) with the sound turned down, I don't think for one minute that we are alone with this problem, there must be other dogs out there suffering from your high pitched whistle please on behalf of Lady an all the other dogs STOP YOUR WHISTLE. P.S.You could be losing thousand of viewers over this + its so cruel."

Seriously? Is this person serious? Why can't they just mute the volume when they see this ad? Or better yet, who the fuck cares?! Seriously do people not have anything better to do with their time?!

P.S
Jason is getting even hotter