Oh darling we REALLY have to catch up!

Television really is a fickle industry. I just had a rather amusing conversation with a Researcher I made friends with on the 10th floor.

Miss M: Did you end up going out for drinks last night?

Researcher: Well just G and I ended grabbing one.

Miss M: Ye sorry I couldn't make it, but we REALLY have to get together soon for a big one

Researcher: Definitely! But we need someone like you to organise it.

Miss M: Okies, well you send me the list of people you want invited and I'll set it up

Researcher: How about I send you the list of people that we DON'T want and you can work around that?

Blinks

Miss M: Giggles Fair enough, I can work like that

Researcher: You know how it is, you run into them in the corridor and it is like "HI! How ARE you? We REALLY have to go for a drink" all kiss kiss lovey lovey and then flipping them zap signs behind their back as they walk off.

Blinks

Miss M: Yup, I know that feeling well.

And the best part to this is that the Researcher in question is a heterosexual male.

Well I'd swear otherwise but apparently he is!

Hmm ... I hope I'm not one of those people that he does the lovey lovey thing with!

What role would you do?

MY PERSONAL DEFINITIONS

Runner - A personal slave for the entire office. One can get these poor souls to do anything from making tea to checking if electricity is indeed flowing through that wire. Runners love anyone who makes them feel included. Make friends with a Runner and you're set with tea, coffee and snacks for the rest of the show!

Junior Researcher - A sneaky title given to a Runner so that they feel they are slightly more superior. These "runners" assist the main Researcher in programme developing but will also be expected to make tea and run errands. However they tend to get a little "big for their boots" with the title and look down their nose at basic jobs. I dislike the tossers as a rule.

Researcher - Assist the AP in finding contributors. Researchers are hard working bastards who do not get enough credit as it invariably goes to the AP.

AP - There is an argument here as to whether this stands for Assistant Producer or Associate Producer. Depending on how up their own arse the AP is will depend on what they call themselves. I find just saying AP avoids insulting a delicate ego. These lovely people do everything from finding contributors, locations, liaising with contributors to writing scripts. They are the down to earth voice of the Director and are usually easier to communicate with. You want to know shooting schedules or what is actually happening - speak to the AP

Production Secretary - The support for the Co-Ordinator. However on most shows they either don't have Secretaries or have the Secretaries doing the Co-ordinators job but only getting paid their own rate. TV is all about screwing over the little person.

Production Co-Ordinator - We get to organise everything from shoot days, finding crew, pre production, post production, archive material, copyright issues to handling the money of the show. You've got to love organising and constantly know what is going on. We're the mothers and they're the children.

Production Manager - The Big Mothers. These hardworking people control the budget, agree to give team members money, maintain health and safety, make sure that compliance is met and basically control the production expenditure. This job involves staring at the budget and excel documents until your head hurts. I'm not 100% that I actually want to get to that position! Generally these are woman, I've only ever met 2 male Managers. I don't know why - is it because woman are control freaks?

Director - You get 2 types of Directors; the "Oh I'm making a deep and powerful film" Director and the "Let's get this show on the road and make the best programme ever" Director. The unitiated might not see the difference but trust me you don't ever want to come across the 1st type. They take their job way to seriously and actually think that we are offering society something more than a stupid television show that people will forget 2 minutes after watching. Seriously, get a grip.

Producer - Usually this roll is combined with the Director in Television. It means that you have the added responsibility of working with the Production Manager in controlling the budget but also want to spend obscene amounts of money making the "film" look beautiful. I think these people have a sort of Jekyll and Hyde type of personality.

Executive Producer - They waft in perhaps once a week, make sure that everything is running smoothly and according to plan and then waft out. Come the final product they bitch and moan about the cost and then comment about how beautiful the "film" is and how the public is going to be in awe of the artist creation. They then take all of the credit.

Basically people who do the above roles are - as a rule - overbearing, loud, too cool for school, up their own arse, up other people's arses and generally a pain in my arse.

Other than the Secretaries, Co-Ordinators and Managers of course!

3 years on ...

Tomorrow is my third year anniversary of living in London. I am unable to establish whether I am happy or sad about this. What started as a fun idea of running off to London for a while has turned into me actually putting down roots, starting a career and finding myself -3 years down the line - quite settled in this strange city.

I honestly did not expect to enjoy myself so much here, I thought that I might last 1 year or perhaps 2 if I pushed it, but did not expect to find myself building a life out here in London. These days my job is brilliant, I have some truly wonderful friends and I have found a hobby that fulfills my life in the spare time that I have.

For any of you out there who read my blog and think that working in TV seems like the perfect job let me tell you that this has been a long hard struggle to reach the place that I am at. I have worked 18 hour days, I have been paid next to nothing and I have worked contracts only lasting 2 days and then been out of work for another week desperately trying to find something else before my bank balance reached zero.

Which it did. Plenty of times.

I have become heavily in debt trying to chase this silly dream of mine but the in the long run it has all been worth it. The experiences that I have had and the unbridled joy in knowing that I am achieving my dream make every horrid aspect of this job bearable. And let me tell you - the stress has sometimes made me want to give it all up but I guess I'm addicted to the challenge.

TV is not for the fainthearted but it is unlike any job you'll ever have.

Deja Vu

0745am alarm clock goes off

Miss M gets out of bed, showers, gets dressed, eats breakfast and departs for work

0920am Miss M gets on her train

0945am Miss M arrives at the office and stands in the queue to get into the lift

Miss M arrives on the 10th floor and walks to her desk

Miss M throws her bag down, logs in to her computer and says hi to everyone

Miss M makes a cup of coffee and sits down to read her blogs

_________________________


Hang on ... isn't this 2008? Haven't I finished on this show? I don't sit here anymore?! What's going on?!

Apparently I'm back sitting at my old desk, working with my old colleagues on my old show. It is the strangest feeling of deja vu ever, it really is as if I never left and had a month long holiday. In some ways it is fantastic as I've actually really missed these people - but in other ways it feels like I haven't moved on at all and my wonderful holiday is about to become a distance memory.

On the plus side I'm no longer having to watch babies being brought into the world!

I still can't erase that image from my mind though.

P.s: I've been reunited with Steve! He got deflated for the holidays and I'm trying to gain up the energy to blow him back up again. (Somehow that sentence looked better in my head)

And the Prize for Most Stupid goes to ...

I've mentioned some of the stupid things that occur in television before - but today I heard 3 of the most hysterical incidents in production that have happened whilst filming.

Prepare to laugh yourself stupid over the human desire to make "The Perfect Show"

1) The health & safety supporter, let's call him Ed, who accidentally drove a car off a cliff to get the perfect shot.

- Seriously is it really worth it?!

2) The gentleman who must have asbestos hands who – for the benefit of good presenter relations and general all round arse-licking - proffered his palm so that The Lovely Presenter had somewhere to spit out a piping hot vol-au-van

- It touched my hand, I could sell it on ebay!!

3) And an un-named exec who – in order to keep a couple of contributors on side – reluctantly agreed to be filmed naked playing volleyball

- I'm speechless. Completely speechless.

So what do you think, worth doing to make a show?

I will leave you with this thought ...

We do incredible things for an incredibly worthy cause

1 Mojito, 2 Mojito ....

So last night was our wrap party for the show. Considering that most of our team are in Australia and that they are only 7 of us left in London it wasn't that raucous, however we did manage to go through £700 for the evening.

We discovered the best drink ever - Champagne Mojito's. Strong ones I might add, so you can imagine that after a couple the tongues were loosened and the claws were also coming out towards our absent colleagues.

Things I learnt last night:

1) Drinking 2 Mojito's followed by Champagne followed by white wine followed by liqueurs does not make you feel well on a Friday morning

2) Drunkenly informing your colleagues about your sex life is not forgotten about the next morning

3) The generous drunken offer to set up your colleague with a friend is not looking like the best idea in the cold sober light (I think I was trying to earn brownie points)

4) One of our fellow Co-Ordinators has been shagging one of the Producers on the show

5) 7 woman + copious amounts of alcohol = Loud, giggly and tactless entertainment

6) Saying how stupid it is when Creatives call a TV show a "Film" does not go down well with the Creative at the table. (Especially as she earlier was referring to "the films" she has made)

7) Informing your Production Manager that you won't be in to work until 1130am and then showing up at 945am scores you massive Brownie points

This was followed by an extended lunch this afternoon with 4 of us who then proceeded to slag off our counterparts in Australia.

Oh how I do love the fickleness of TV

P.S: Tonight is the final of the show and Jason is in the last 3. I don't think he is going to win but he shall soon be home for me to stalk.

I'm just too sexy for this blog

We had a couple of visitors in the office this morning - The Right Said Fred brothers. Who here remembers them?

I loved that song when I was a kid - we used to prance up and down miming the words - we really though it was just the coolest song ever. Unfortunately now I hear it, cringe and wish that I didn't know it, but such is life.

I do love the two of them though. When I met them at one of our previous shoots I just had the overwhelming desire to beg Richard to say it - I desperately wanted to hear him utter those words! I could just see the conversation unfolding in my head ...

Miss M: That shirt looks really good on you

Right Said Fred Brother: Thanks

Miss M: Tilts her head knowingly In fact it almost looks too good on you ...

Right Said Fred Brother: Umm ... ok, thanks

Miss M: Do you not feel too good in it?

Right Said Fred Brother: Worrying stare No ...

Miss M: Puppy dog eyes Oh come on, just say it!

Right Said Fred Brother: Say what?

Miss M: Stamps foot on the ground Please, please, please, just say it now!

Right Said Fred Brother: Backing away slowly I think I might need my bodyguards now

*Sighs*

It would have been beautiful though ...

P.S: Two more nights of J, but I think he might get voted off tonight. I am now slightly off him though, I saw him filing his nails on last nights show. No manly man is supposed to do a thing like that!

I do love my job

I realised earlier today that I might actually give my job and my industry a bad name with all of my complaining. This is not the case at all. I do love my job, in fact every single day I realise how lucky I am to actually be working in this industry and be making a name and path through it.

How many other people get to work in an industry which is so flexible and entertaining? Every single day is different and I get to do such a range of things. One day I might be doing boring paperwork in the office but the next day I could be out at some strange location making sure everything runs smoothly on the shoot. I've gotten to travel around England and I've met some amazing people with whom I've developed good friendships. Here are some of the perks of my job

1) We start at 10am. Being in the office at 9/930am is considered early

2) There is no set dress code, the wackier the outfit the more acceptable it is

3) We're all loud, funny and generally laugh our way through work - there is no silence in this office

4) Celeb spotting is a sport

5) Liquid lunches and extended lunch breaks happen all too often

6) We travel an awful lot to shoots and all the expenses get covered

7) Saying where you work for opens up many doors and the offer of free goodies

8) People get jealous when you tell them what you do for a living and they think that you're way cooler than you actually are

9) I'm constantly changing companies and there is no fear of people thinking that my CV is "bitsy" - in fact the more companies you work for the more people respect you

10) When I type frenetically at my blog people actually think I'm working

Seriously people, I love my job