THE ADVENTURES OF MISS M

What's in a name?

2010-05-23T15:16:00.003+01:00

One of the strangest things about living back in South Africa is the attitude towards relationships.

In London being single is not a crime. Being single in your 30's is accepted and very often the norm with the busy and stressful lives that people lead.

Cape Town is quite the opposite.

Thankfully I am not bothered by it but sometimes it appears that other people are bothered on my behalf.

Whilst going to Bistro Sixteen82 at Steenberg Golf Estate today:

Female Security Guard: Where are you visiting and please can I have your surname?

Miss M: Bistro Sixteen82 and M

FSG: Thank you Mrs. M, do you know where you are going?

Miss M: It's Miss M and no I don't

FSG: Leans forward slightly and smiles at me Aw don't worry, I'm a Miss too

It was round about this point that I wanted to get out of the car and bitch slap her through the face

Instead I just smiled sweetly and went on my merry way.

But what I really wanted to say

Miss M: Really lady? REALLY? Are you so pathetic and insecure that you really feel that you need to define yourself based on whether or not you are in a relationship? Get. A. Grip.

Who knows.

But all I know is that I am very happy being Miss M and don't want to change it, for the time being.

Toilet humour

2010-05-17T08:52:00.002+01:00

I went back to my university today for a meeting with the head of the Film and Media Department about the possibility of going back to school and completing my Masters next year.

That isn't the story I'm going to tell today.

Whilst having a cup of tea with my friend Cuddles he mentioned that he had been to the roof of Jamieson Hall.

Miss M: I want to go there.

Cuddles: Now?

Miss M: Yes.

So off we went.

But that isn't the story I'm going to tell.

Whilst going up a metal ladder in to the rooftops of the building I had a mild panic attack and Cuddles had to talk me up.

Still not the story.

Once on the roof we chilled for a bit in the sunshine. Cape Town was having a beautiful day, one of those perfect days that makes me so happy to be back.

Not the story.

Now strangely enough the ladder up to the roof is situated off of a bathroom in Jamieson Hall. I'm not quite sure why they did that but hey. The space is small and cramped, pretty much just enough room for me, Cuddles and the ladder.

Cuddles: Miss M, keep quiet for a second, I think I hear someone

Miss M: Stage whisper In the toilet???

Cuddles: Ssshhh

Now let me tell you there is nothing harder than trying to keep silent whilst listening to a complete stranger enter a bathroom, unzip their pants and let rip.

I was clinging on to the ladder almost dying from trying to hold my laughter in whilst Cuddles held himself against the door in a desperate attempt to make it appear locked in case the person tried to investigate why the door was laughing uncontrollably at them.

All I could picture was him and I opening the door and walking in whilst someone sat on the toilet staring at us in shock.

I could not stop laughing.

Cuddles wasn't much help, if I looked at him he started giggling and then I was off again.

Thankfully we only waited for two people to use the bathroom before we could leave. It must have looked so funny as both of us exited the bathroom in tandem laughing hysterically.

I hope that the last person who was in there didn't see us.

Hard one to explain.

Will his Mama let him out tonight?

2010-05-13T16:06:00.005+01:00

At what age does it stop being wrong to have a crush on a younger boy? I ask this because of late I have found myself attracted to these creatures.

Not that 27 is old at all. Proven by the below scenario.

Miss M walks in to a local pool bar

Bouncer: ID please

Miss M: Huge smile plastered across her face Really???

Miss M happily hands over her ID

Bouncer: Oh, my compliments to you!

Dear Reader I am not fooled in to believing that he thought I was under the age of 18 but perhaps 23??

However I think it is definitely improper to have a crush on a boy who, when you matriculated from high school, was only 8 years old.

When I lost my virginity he hadn't even reached double digits.

When he matriculated I was already hitting the down hill slide to 30.

When we hear of a couple who are 55 and 66 respectively we don't think anything of it. 42 and 33, not a problem. 90 and 81, so close in age.

But 25 and 16? Illegal.

27 and 18? Seriously improper.

And reverse it so that the older party member is the girl and everyone is so shocked. Cougar and cradle snatcher being some of the choice words.

Thankfully this boy does not live in Cape Town so I am saved from the embarrassment of actually doing something about this improper crush but would it really be all that bad?

Wouldn't we all like to relive our teenage years without actually having to be 18 again?

Ps - the 18 year old actually wanted me too.

Shocking.

The birds and the bees

2010-05-12T09:47:00.002+01:00

When I worked in TV I would constantly complain that there were no straight men, only gay men, in the office.

Turns out that film is quite the opposite.

The crew is made up of 100% hot blooded heterosexual males who want nothing more than to "get their freak on".

Pity they're all married or involved and plenty of them have children.

Yet as soon as the cameras start rolling they want to start rolling with anything that moves. Is it perhaps because we are surrounded by each other for 14 hours a day and pretty much for 2 months don't have a life outside of the filming vicinity?

Or is it just because men can't keep it in their pants and film crews aren't afraid to show this?

The girls don't seem to worry that much either. It seems to be a well known fact that at some point in time during your film career you will end up sleeping with a married man and enjoy it.

It isn't like they hide the fact.

I got hit on by a Grips who in one sentence would tell me how outrageously sexy I was and that his wife also looks good in green.

Even the cast are dipping their nibs in to different pots. Each week we would receive the hotel bills for our international cast members and each week there would be a cost for an overnight visitor. In fact one cast member had someone move in to his hotel room for 3 weeks, at our expense of course. And what can we say?

Nothing.

Keep rolling rolling rolling

2010-05-11T12:51:00.003+01:00

The marble incident did not end just there.

That would be too easy.

Every new location for base camp Asshole would complain that the trailer was at an angle and S.A.S would have to inform the poor Transport team who really had better things to worry about.

Like Chaperons going missing whilst transporting the lead cast but no Asshole's trailer is more important.

Last day of filming finally arrives.

Assistant Transport Manager walks in to the Producers trailer and in complete silence takes a marble out of his pocket. He looks straight at Asshole and puts the marble on the table.

Marble doesn't move.

ATM picks up the marble and walks out.

Oh to have been there to see the look on Asshole's face.

Losing your marbles

2010-05-10T13:12:00.003+01:00

Over a 6 week period we were filming all around Cape Town and some neighboring areas. Base camp was moved from location to location and everyone worked out of their respective trailers.

Asshole and Mini-Me shared a trailer and their poor personal servant lived in there with them too. S.A.S's job was to make sure that all of Asshole's needs were fulfilled regardless of what they might be.

He needs coffee. Check.

His laundry needs collecting. Check.

He needs help going to the toilet. Check.

The list goes on.

One day Asshole decided that his trailer was not 100% straight. He was determined that it was at a slight angle and therefore all of his brilliance would be lost and that the movie would fail.

Right.

2200
Asshole: S.A.S please find me a marble so I can prove to the Transport team that the trailer is wonky.

S.A.S: I'll have it for you in the morning.

Asshole: No I need it now.

S.A.S: Right now?

Asshole: Yes. And if you don't find it now forget about working with us on another movie

Poor S.A.S runs to every single department on set desperately trying to find a marble. Poor girl just gets laughed out of most trailers until she reaches the stunt boys where amazingly enough one of them has a marble. We're not asking why people.

2250
S.A.S: Here you go Asshole

Asshole: What's that?

S.A.S: The ... marble ... ?

Asshole: Oh I'd forgotten about that.

Asshole.

Introductory speech

2010-05-07T11:38:00.005+01:00

So this year I worked on my very first feature film. A Universal Studios major feature film. Quite a stamp to have on my CV I must say but definitely not as glamorous as it is sold to be.

15 hour days, 6 days a week for 2 months. I was like the walking dead half way through it. Never seeing the outside world, never seeing my friends and most horribly actually getting used to it and enjoying the torture!

I finally understand Stockholm Syndrome.

The South African team was led by The Sheriff. This man has a firm grasp of money and movies but is one scary ass motherfucker.

He screams.

A lot.

And not in a nice way.

Week 2 in to the film he made me cry. In fact I had a full blown panic attack which involved hyperventilating, cold wash clothes on my forehead, breathing in to a paper bag and tears. Oh so embarrassing but apparently you're not really in the industry unless The Sheriff has made you cry.

Our American Producers I shall coin "Asshole" and "Mini - Me".

Mini-Me was so far up Asshole's namesake that I'm surprised if he ever came out for air. To be fair he was 25 and an Assistant Producer for Universal Studios and had been given this chance by Asshole after 4 years of servitude to the ... well ... Asshole. He wasn't going to mess up for love or money and we had to know about this.

My team were lovely except for Bitch. She could be oh so sweet and then viciously take you down in one fell swoop. There was no yelling. No that was not her style. She'd rather calmly insult your intelligence/activity/personality gently and sadistically in front of the entire office.

Personally I'd take The Sheriff any day.

So now you've met the characters.

Let's get on with the story.

Look Who's Back!

2010-05-06T21:38:00.004+01:00

Yes yes, please pick yourself up from the floor; I am here, I am writing and I am going to try and stick around for a while this time.

I know I've made promises before in the past. I know I've said that I'd always be around. I know I promised you the world.

But hey.

Shit happens.

So this time my promise to you is that I am going to TRY and keep myself going in the blogosphere. I'll TRY and not run at the first sign of writers block (perhaps the second or the third but who's counting?) and I'll TRY and keep you laughing. (or what ever it is you do when you visit my blog)

Here's hoping I manage to pull it off.

It's a new year!

2010-01-04T14:22:00.002Z

This holiday season as been an absolutely fantastic one. Filled with sunshine, friends, laughter and food.

Ah the food.

I think I've eaten enough to feed a small family for a couple of months and now I am on the road to food saintdom.

You know; when you only eat because you're hungry and you remove all joy from food by eating only extremely healthy items and no fat what so ever?

Ha. That so isn't ever going to happen is it?

New Year resolutions are, as far as I'm concerned, a complete waste of time and energy. Every single year we vow to make changes, vow to do things differently and promise to make our lives the way that we know they should be.

Which lasts all of 1 month.

Or in the case of Lopz, Shoes and I last year, just 2 days.

Instead this year I am going to resolve not to make any resolutions and just take life one day at a time and see what happens.

So here is to a bloody fantastic 2010 regardless of what happens!

Ps - a job would be nice though ...

Blast from the Past

2009-12-30T16:30:00.002Z

First of all I need to apologise profusely for being absent for such a long period of time.

I have no excuse. I've just been lazy. Or have just lacked the words to put my life in to perspective for everyone. Actually no, I've just been lazy.

So where to begin ...

1) I'm back living in Cape Town. Yes please, round of applause, I've made it back to our amazing country and not one fibre of my being is saying that this is the wrong decision. Perhaps in a couple of months when I am still unemployed and winter is setting in I might ... but at the moment it is all smiles.

2) I'm unemployed. Yes I know you're all saying that old refrain but this time it is at least because I've moved countries and it has only been since the 8th of December so it isn't that bad.

3) I think I've gotten fat. That'll be from the lack of climbing and far too much Christmas food but still; as of the 1st of January I am on a starvation front and no food but lettuce and water shall be passing my lips.

Let's see how long that lasts. If it is anything like last New Years resolution Lopz and I will be eating KFC as of day 1.

Ah Lopz. That is the one downside. I've left my English family behind and am now being adopted by the South African side.

Bear and Fish are amazing - so looking forward to partying it up with you guys this year!

So yes, I'm back.

Here is many stories of Cape Town jobs; amusing gaffes at work and potentially shag partners.

I've missed you guys.

Refusals all round

2009-04-24T11:13:00.002+01:00

Is a very strange state of affairs when in your desperation for a job you start turning ones DOWN! I didn't think I'd ever be doing that but sometimes you just have got to.

1st rejection
Phone call from lovely French lady who got my number from one of my friends. They are looking for a data inputting to help out for a month.

Right I'm game. Boring work but it's money at least hey?

Not.

You have to call up businesses within shopping centers and update their information. Still with her. They pay you per business. 20p per business. So you'd basically be earning 6 pounds an hour which is about 50 quid a day, and that is if you work your arse off. Tax would take most of that and I'd be coming away with almost what I'd get on the dole when they cover my housing costs.

No. Thank. You.

It isn't that I'm picky or anything but I wouldn't be able to look for work and would be earning a pittance.

2nd rejection
Email in reply to a Co-ordinator position at a small TV/Commercials Production Company saying that they loved my CV and would like to get me in for an interview ASAP. They've attached the job spec further and the package that they are offering.

18 000 a year? What joke is this?!?! I was earning low before but this just taking it way too far.

Another turn down.

It seems a bit ridiculous to turn down 2 jobs in 1 day but you guys get where I am coming from right? I need to at least be able to cover expenses and I don't want to just jump in to any job because I'm desperate.

Oh well.

Off to spend another lovely day in the sunshine before the rain comes!

Summer sun and fun

2009-04-22T23:08:00.003+01:00

Today was the first day in 3 weeks that I have enjoyed being unemployed.

I woke to the most beautiful clear blue skies, the sound of birds in the park and I could already feel the warmth in the sun.

Whilst all of my friends departed the house to their dreary offices with only the joy of that 1 hour lunch break to get them through the day, I had a leisurely breakfast, completed all of my job hunting tasks and crossed the road to the park.

I took a sarong to lie on, a pillow from the couch, wireless headphones (connected to the radio back at the house) and my book.

What joy.

There is definitely someone to be said about Vitamin D creating happiness because for the first time in ages I was not depressed today. There hasn't been a single moment where I've wanted to cry and I even found myself smiling whilst doing some food shopping.

I love sun.

Perhaps this is foremost in wanting to move back to Cape Town as I could never see myself settling in a country that only has hot sun for, at most, 4 weeks a year.

And I'm not exaggerating.

The Great British Summer usually lasts about a month. There a couple of months of buildup (April to June) and then a couple of months of cooling off (August to October) with usually 1 month of proper summer.

How depressing is that?

My point though was that today I got to enjoy the sunshine. Tomorrow I will again. And Friday. Then come the weekend in typical London fashion it is going to rain.

My friends are not impressed.

Insanely Jealous would be the right description.

Hey I've got to have something going for me at the moment don't I?

Sharing is caring

2009-04-18T15:04:00.003+01:00

I have been noticing in the comments and show of support from readers that there are many others of you out there who have also been hit by unemployment in the past or currently are in the same position as me.

So I thought that I would open my blog up to my readers for you to disclose any amusing moments from your unemployment, any disaster interviews that you've been to or basically just anything you would like to share with us all about your hunt for a new job.

Email me.

Open up.

I need to feel like I am not alone.

Yes, you're right, I am going to guilt trip you in to sharing your stories with me. I'll post them up (and of course a link to you if you let me know who you are) and we can all be one big happy family.

Thedivinemissmm@gmail.com

Let's make unemployment fun!

I'm waiting.

Never trust Google Maps

2009-04-17T15:10:00.004+01:00

Today I did my first visit to The Job Centre in order to sign officially on to The Dole.

My appointment was at 1055 with my personal advisor - Advisor Number 2 - So personal she has a number instead of a name.

In great anticipation of meeting with Advisor Number 2 I left the house at 0950, these are the true events that followed.

0952 - Realise it is actually quite cold and go back home to get a jacket

0955 - Depart the house, again

1000 - Arrive at bus stop

1014 - 156 bus arrives, I appear to have timed this well with travel

1030 - Bus arrives at the designated stop according to google maps. I start walking in the planned direction

1040 - Still walking, no sign of the job centre

1041 - Panicked phone call to Lopz, don't know where I am going and everything looks the same. Stupid London.

1042 - Lopz quickly confers with Google Maps, I am in the right area but neither of us understand where exactly the Job Centre is as it is located in the middle of a green patch according to GM.

1043 - Hyperventilating done by myself, can not afford to miss The Dole meeting

1044 - Start walking back in the direction I came from desperately searching for this supposed street name

1048 - Still nothing, Lopz offers to call the Job Centre and solve the mystery

1052 - I ask a chavvy passerby if they can help. What a surprise, the Chav knows where the job centre is. And who says that typecasting is politically incorrect?

1057 - After desperately running down the road I make it in to the Job Centre just behind schedule. Am sent to wait on a couch.

1100 - Chav staring at me. Could it possibly be because I am staring at him?

1101 - Break staring match with chav. Thankful for safety of people in the room. Think he might be mad.

1103 - Girl in pink velour tracksuit walks in. Again, who said that stereotyping was politically incorrect?

1107 - Advisor Number 2 comes to collect me. Her name tag says Babs.

1110 - Babs informs me that I was sent to the wrong Job Centre and that they don't deal with my postcode. Have to repeat the same mission tomorrow morning in Kingston.

1115 - Exit Job Centre and scream

Tomorrow had better be less exciting.

Babs promised me it would be.

1155 - Arrive back home and curl up on the couch to watch Gossip Girls.

Miss M is so angry ... she switched off the TV

2009-04-15T22:23:00.005+01:00

So now that I am unemployed I am having to discover all new ways of keeping myself entertained during the day.

Do you know how tedious daytime TV is? I seriously think that they make it so boring in order to stop people wanting to actually be at home. It is a conspiracy to make sure that you want to have a job.

Unemployed person
I can't handle another day of watching daytime chat shows!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!!! I'll get off the dole, I'll find a job! Just don't make me watch that anymore!!!

I swear that Channel Commissioners must think that the people who stay at home all day are lacking in brain cells. What other excuses could they have for the truly terrible day time line up that there is?

We're talking about shows who cover such in depth topics as below:

You threw a TV ... at my head
My daughter went away ... she came back gay
I'll prove I'm the father of your ex girlfriends baby
Who got her pregnant? Me or the brother?
Who’s my Fiancé been with until five O’clock in the morning?
Celebrity hair trends - The humble plait is back!

I mean who ever would want to leave their house when they have such juicy topics to entertain them each day.

Thankfully I am one of those people who has the magic of Sky Plus. Each night before going to bed I cruise the channels and record anything that looks like it could be interesting to watch the next day during my Day on the Couch.

Thanks be to movie channels.

And old teen angst shows from my youth - such as Party of Five & Gilmore Girls.

Without these I would be lost.

Or learning about how You've broken up my family by sleeping with my two brothers!

God bless the English system

2009-04-14T14:00:00.004+01:00

I have decided to bite the bullet and register for Job Seekers Allowance.

Otherwise known as The Dole.

Which would you rather tell people you are collecting?

Job Seekers Allowance - money paid to someone who is currently not working but searching for their next role

OR

The Dole - money (and now I hate to say this as it sounds so judgmental and snobbish but I fear it is true) given to lower class chavvy English people who cheat the system by living on the measly amount paid each week whilst using it for beer & cigarettes, chilling out in their council house and generally wasting the taxpayers money as they are too lazy to work.

Wow that was quite the mouthful.

As judgmental as that little ramble was, the questions that I was asked whilst registering today did little to sway my opinion.

Q: Have you ever had a job?
What 26 year old hasn't ever had a job!?!?

Q: Are you supporting any children?
Fair enough, have you seen the typical English teenager? Usually spotted in their natural environment of the mall whilst pushing a pram

Q: Are you waiting on a court decision for criminal sentencing?
Worries me that these are regular questions where people actually answer yes!

Q: Do you receive any income other than your job?
Like my spare time drug dealing?

Q: Are you able to work fulltime?
Well no, with caring for my 4 young children and my alcoholic 19 year old husband I don't have enough time to actually work. Please can you give me money?

Also the people I see day to day during work hours wandering the streets do nothing to change my opinion either.

Middle age woman drinking out of Stella cans at 1045am, teenagers hanging around street corners drunk at lunchtime and the loads of people chilling around the council estate during work hours.

And it isn't my fault that these people all seem to resemble Chavs is it?

So for all further reference I will be claiming Job Seekers Allowance, along with Housing Benefits so please do not mention the dole to me.

I do still have my dignity.

Though I am willing to drop standards to get my rent paid each month along with 65 pounds a week spending money!

All by myself ...

2009-04-08T21:37:00.003+01:00

I love my friends.

I really do love them but sometimes I am just so jealous and envious of them and their serious relationships/marriage that I feel guilty for it.

It isn't that I want to be them or have their lives. I just want the support that they have.

Yes my friends are there for me. They listen to me and offer me their advice and support. They're my family and I wouldn't swap them for anyone. But at the end of the evening I go home.

Alone.

And the fear that I have at the moment doesn't vanish the moment I leave them. In fact as soon as I am by myself it increases tenfold.

And then there is no one there to hold me. There is no one there to wipe away my tears. There is no one there to talk to me until 3am in the morning about what I am going to do.

I'm doing this by myself.

No matter how they all say that they are there for me they just can't relate.

I don't have someone else who can pay rent for the month. If I run out of money there isn't someone else who can buy the weekly groceries and treat me to a drink to cheer me up. MY debt is just that, MY debt, and there isn't someone else there to help me clear it.

I wish I had the support that they have. No one wants a crying Miss M on the phone at midnight and I know that I can't really phone them every single time I am slowly losing it by myself.

I just wish I wasn't alone right now.

First day is over

2009-04-06T19:54:00.003+01:00

Today was my first day of unemployment.

After waking up at 0900, looking at my phone and going in to a flat out panic because I'd overslept and was going to be late for work I suddenly realised that I didn't have to go to work and that I had the whole day to sleep.

So I got up.

That was probably my first mistake. In retrospect I should have slept till 1pm, had lunch and then gone back to sleep because that would have been more eventful than my day was.

0930 - Ate breakfast

0940 - Watched an episode of One Tree Hill

1025 - Watched another episode of One Tree Hill

1115 - Old Housemate came around (he is job hunting too) and we reworked my CV and cleaned up on my Powerpoint skills

1315 - Ate lunch

1345 - Watched another episode of One Tree Hill

And so on.

The day stretched in to a whole long day of nothingness with me just staring at my computer screen willing a new job to appear.

It is strange how you can waste away 10 hours until your housemates arrive home and then waste another 4 hours until it is time to go to sleep again.

Tomorrow I am going to go meet with a recruitment agent and beg her for a job. If tears work I will try it, if promising sexual favours works I will try it and if handing over my first born works I will try that too!

This is my pledge to you!

Oh and I probably will watch some One Tree Hill cause you knows I am all over that shit!

Is the end the beginning?

2009-04-02T21:48:00.004+01:00

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I've been there 1 month short of 2 years and probably have spent more time in the office than my own home overall. It is going to be so strange to not be getting up in the morning, leaving the house, taking the train in to London and walking over to my office with the wonderful view of The South Bank.

Extremely depressing now that summer is inching its way in to London and the view is getting more and more beautiful everyday.

I'll be honest with you.

I. Am. Completely. Terrified.

Other than when I first moved over to London I have not been unemployed in 4 years. I have not been unemployed when there was not even the faintest hint of a job in the air.

I don't know what to do.

I can survive for 1 month without a job but if I don't find one to start on the 1st of May I literally can not pay rent for June. Add to that the fact that unless I find a job in a week or 2 I can't afford to go to Croatia with my friends. That makes me just want to cry.

I'm 26 but right now all I want is the safety of home and my Mother.

It might make it less scary.

This is war

2009-03-30T17:34:00.002+01:00

We have a guest staying in our house. She is very quiet and she doesn't bother us much as she is mostly active at night but she does have a problem with going to the toilet around the kitchen.

She is a mouse and I have named her Tinkerbell (no idea if she is female but I feel better this way)

We don't see her much, just every so often, but occasionally I find her droppings in the cupboard under the sink and I sometimes hear her in, what I think, is the ceiling.

The other day my housemate saw her in the bathroom upstairs. I genuinely do not know who got more of a fright, him or the mouse, but after a surprisingly girly shriek he came to let me know.

That was the end of it.

Lying in bed all I could think was that Tinkerbell was in my room (it is next to the bathroom) and every sound was her creeping up in to my bed and every itch on my body was her running over me.

I'm not sure if it was the idea of a mouse touching me or just the general shock of the idea of someone (thing) being in my bed as it has been so long but whatever it was I have now declared a personal vendetta against Tinkerbell.

We are starting with humane traps and if those don't work we are moving on to poison.

But by these words I swear that this will be the end of Tinkerbell freeloading in my house. She should not have crossed the boundary.

Now it is war.

Cry me a River

2009-03-26T14:14:00.003Z

Most of you who follow my blog will know that I soon become unemployed and am job hunting. So far without any success but we are still holding thumbs on that front.

I have never realised before how stressful looming unemployment is and how it can affect you in ways you just don't expect. I do feel sorry for my friends and housemates as I just start crying sometimes for no apparent reason.

Housemate: Can you please pass me the salt?

Miss M: Voice cracking from welling up It isn't anywhere near me!!!

Housemate: Umm Miss M it's fine, I can get it myself

Miss M: Tears starting now I know

Another evening on the telephone to Lopz at 3am in the morning

Lopz: Miss M are you ok? What's wrong?

Miss M: Wracked with sobs I DON'T KNOW!!! I JUST FEEL SO SAD!!!

Lopz: Do you want me to come round?

Miss M: Gasping for breath between the tears No I'll be fine, I just can't stop crying

*sighs*

My father upset me greatly today because he ended up speaking to a Line Producer in Cape Town who informed him that she has more work than she knows what to do with and that if my skill sets are what she is looking for she could "offer me a job before my plane hits the ground".

I don't know if I am ready to go home yet but if no job comes up soon in London I might just have too.

I don't know if I could leave my London Family quite yet.

I just don't know.

High heels are bad for my health

2009-03-24T13:46:00.003Z

I made a lift faux pas earlier. Apparently touching your colleagues in the lift is not the done thing. In my defense I got a fright and he was comfortable.

Get in the lift at floor 21. One other person in there.

Lift starts rushing down towards the ground

Miss M falls over her own feet whilst in a pair of high heels fullforce in to the lift partner, grabbing him around the waist in the process.

Miss M: EEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK (was a frightning experience ok)

Colleague: It's ok, the lift always goes this fast when it doesn't stop on any other floors

Miss M: I just fell over my high heels

Colleague: I'm sure. I promise you it's ok.

Miss M: I'm fine I promise.

Colleague: Can you please let go of my waist then?

Miss M: Sorry

Least I'm leaving soon so I won't have to be reminded of this experience for months to come.

Breaking out

2009-03-18T12:42:00.004Z

Do you ever get bored of who you are? Bored of the fact that everyone always sees you in the same way and you almost become typecast in to your specific role within a group and then that is the only way that people view you.

I'm tired of being the "funny one" or the "sweet innocent one"; I want to be the bombshell, I want to be the wild one, I want to be someone that people notice.

I don't want people to be able to second guess my actions, I want people to stand back and say wow.

At the moment I'm safe. I'm predictable. I'm not absurd. I consider everything first. I'm stubborn as hell.

I suppose this is because the closer and closer I get to being unemployed without any sign of another job the more I start to question everything about myself. It is like having a mini midlife crisis at 26.

I wish it was possible to swap lives with someone for a day; I want to experience what it is like to not be me, to be one of those spotlight people without actually having to commit to anything.

Am I making any sense?

I want to take a vacation from my life but be able to come back without any consequences from my actions during the little hiatus.

Perhaps I will reinvent myself at 26 - watch out people, here comes the new (not too sure if it is improved) Miss M!

Introducing the infamous MISS M!

2009-03-13T16:01:00.003Z

I'm trying to figure out what I am going to do with my career if getting another job in TV proves to be impossible in the current climate.

Lopz and I have been having a brainstorm about this.

To: Miss M
From: Lopz
So, are you inspired? What would you like to do Miss M - the world is your oyster?!?!

To: Lopz
From: Miss M
I want to be an international singing sensation

To: Miss M
From: Lopz
Hmm ok, so what are we going to do about your most prominent shortcoming then - I mean the one where YOU CAN'T SING?

To: Lopz
From: Miss M
Everyone can sing.
I shall just get a fantastic voice synthesizer.
Look at Britney?
Most prominent shortcoming is the inability to dance and no sex appeal like Britney. We can work on this?

To: Miss M
From: Lopz
There must be like some kind of boot camp we can send you to right? One where they churn out the manufactured pop stars. Simon Cowell probably runs them. Sooooo, maybe, if we can connect with Cheryl Cole, we can in turn be introduced to Simon and convince him to send you to this star making facility.
How can we find Cheryl Cole?

This went on for a while whilst we plotted ways to become Cheryl's new best friend. Props to Lopz for her plan to pap Ashley with another woman and bribe Cheryl with this. I like it. Thinking out the box.

The reality though is that I have no idea what else I could do other than TV Production.

Ideas are welcome.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No is just stupid Miss M

2009-03-12T14:25:00.003Z

I wear glasses.

There I've said it. I am not ashamed. I do not want to be part of the perfect 20/20 vision freak club out there.

Mine are for reading and computer work. I used to think that only grannies wear reading glasses but I now realise that ... well ... only old grannies wear reading glasses so I have started wearing mine out and about.

Ok ok the real reason is because my eyes have started hurting and it eases the pain (and the eye stress) to wear them on my way home and anyways I read on the train too

I've recently started noticing some strange looks from fellow commuters. At first I thought it was because I morphed in to an old granny when wearing said glasses but a quick compact check confirmed that I was still a healthy 26. Perhaps my underwear was caught in my skirt? A hurried grope of my behind confirmed, much to the entertainment of the gentleman beside me, that my underwear was not on display.

However yesterday it all clicked in to place after my colleague pointed out to me that I was staring overtly at people.

Miss M: They can see me staring?

Colleague: Well yes, you are staring at them?

Miss M: But I'm wearing my glasses

Colleague: You're not a superhero Miss M. Unlike Clarke Kent I can still see it is you when you're wearing your glasses.

Miss M: Of course not, don't be silly. I have a horrid feeling I thought I was wearing my sunglasses

Colleague: On the tube?

Perhaps I am losing my mind like a little old granny?

Vacant Position, apply please

2009-03-11T15:33:00.003Z

Whilst I had an amazing holiday in Cape Town over the December time it did involve Jailbait and I no longer being friendly towards each other.

I thought it would destroy me but strangely enough I do not miss him. I think this is, in part, thanks to Lopz and her wonderful friends who have become my family over here, and also because he was a total pain in the arse quite frankly.

This has left me with an opening for a climbing partner.

There are so many criteria that it is actually quite a difficult position to fill.

1) Must be male
2) Must have hot body for me to stare at whilst he is climbing
3) He must be able to carry an intelligent conversation as the weather is so unpredictable here that you can end up spending the weekend trapped in each others company
4) His skills must exceed mine so I can learn from him
5) He must not have a girlfriend who will resent the time being spent with him
6) My "family" must like him - unlike Jailbait whom they hated

As you can see I am not asking for much.

Interviews have started but aren't going so well

Boy1
Positives
Greek God.
Am stunned in his presence

Negatives
Climbs like a lead footed dwarf
Unable to discuss economic crisis and doesn't get my jokes. (fair enough many have been known to stare blankly at me but I figure those who laugh are keepers)

Boy2
Positives
Exceptionally graceful climber
Makes me giggle and conversation flows

Negatives
Weighs less than me. Something about a man weighing less than me promotes eating disorders and suicide

Interview 3 is happening this evening.

Perhaps this one is a keeper?

Am also thinking that adrenalin rush could lead to sex with new partner?

The cup hath not runneth over

2009-03-09T16:02:00.002Z

I know things are getting bad when I enjoy the whistling from the workmen next door.

And you know it is even more worse when they don't whistle and you question what you're wearing.

Or you start planning in the morning what would be the most appealing to the said workmen. Soon I will be knowing them by name, they will be my new best friends and I will run all of my outfits past them.

sigh

Basically I need sex. Yes you heard it.

I. Need. To. Get. Laid.

It is reaching the point where even my friends are starting to look appealing.

No wait, been there tried that, didn't quite work according to plan and all I have to say is that on that matter is that I am very glad I have forgiving and understanding friends.

Like the economy and businesses that are running dry my sex life has ground to a complete halt. I am not really too sure who to blame this on but I have to do something about it.

Please tell me that this is normal every once and a while?

Please tell me that there are others out there who crave the attention from the wolf whistling workmen?

Please don't let me be the only one.

The loooooong wait

2009-03-05T18:45:00.002Z

I think that I have been exceptionally lucky working for the company I have been at for almost 2 years. We are very laid back, very chilled and definitely not in the thick of the most stylish media people.

Today I went for an interview at a large Indie Production Company and was reminded of how pretentious this industry really is!

1453
I arrive for my 3pm meeting.

1457
The overdressed receptionist finally pays attention to me and takes my name

1505
I'm sitting on the exceptionally stylish couches in the waiting room

Side note: Has anyone noticed that there is a direct correlation between the comfort of a chair and how stylish it is? The more stylish the less comfortable. I find this works as a rule.

1506
Change position on the seriously uncomfortable couch

1510
Am joined by 2 designer clad people

1511
Realise that perhaps the chair would be more comfortable if I too was decked out in stylish gear as the people next to me look cosy

1512
Update Twitter status out of boredom

1513
Text Lopz out of boredom

1515
Timidly ask the receptionist if she can check in on the person I'm meeting. She looks at me like I'm something dirty. Again I regret my clothing choice

1520
Wonder why it is perfectly fine for the person conducting the interview to be late but if I was late it would reflect badly on me.

1522
HR woman finally shows up full of apologies.

She turned out to be lovely and weirdly enough from South Africa. Rumour has it there may be a job there for me, just need to rework my CV for her to pass on.

The world isn't looking too black today.

Welcome to the jungle

2009-03-03T09:38:00.003Z

There is the smell of fear in my office at present.

When the bottom dropped off the banking system around the world last year I never thought that it would affect me. In the newspapers each day we were reading horror stories of people losing their jobs, images of bankers leaving their offices with their belongings in cardboard boxes were transfixing us but again, I just never saw it happening to me.

Now one by one the Freelancers in my office are having their contracts ended. There is a freeze on commissions from all the channels and because of this new contracts and hiring are just not happening.

What small jobs there are I now have to compete with my friends for. I have to compete with the people who I've been working with for almost 2 years and it's horrible.

I feel exception guilt when I get called in to go and meet with one company and my colleague doesn't.

To make matters worse we have a departmental meeting tomorrow where the near future of our company is going to be explained to us. Staff are foreseeing redundancies and the gossip is that they are going to try and get rid of as many people as possible, bring the staff down to skeleton and then start rehiring people for smaller contracts if and when they actually get commissions.

All I can say about this is go out shopping people! Buy food, buy household products, buy clothing and buy music! My lively hood depends on advertisers putting money down for slots and unless you guys start buying their products it is never going to happen!

You all have my permission to go shopping.

What's my age again?

2009-02-26T15:01:00.002Z

The audacity of people sometimes amazes me.

We are in the post production editing phase of the massive cookery show we were filming and this is the part where many issues kick in. Are all the facts right? Do we have the correct spellings and pronunciations of the contributors names? Do we have their right ages? Are their job descriptions correct?

Their job descriptions. Now if you are a baker in a bakery that is what you are, correct me if I am wrong, but my Executive Producer seems to not understand this. He has taken violently against some peoples job titles.

For example he didn't like "Computer Technician" and has decided that the gentleman in question should be a called an "IT worker". Where does he got off deciding to change peoples job titles?!?! Luckily the poor man didn't mind, I think he is just excited to have his name on TV that it didn't bother him. But I am the poor sod who has to phone these people up and find a polite way of informing them that we wish to call them something else other than what they are.

Next they'll be saying: Miss M I don't think that this woman looks like a Joyce, can we please call her Samantha? Phone her up and check if she'd be ok with that.

Seriously. I wouldn't be surprised.

One woman kicked up a fuss about her change in profession. I informed the higher powers that be and received this email back

"Please will you guys go to (Name of Exec) with this one as this woman cannot tell us what we can and can’t write …but equally we can’t have her complaining so think the boss might have to take this one on"

I really hate to inform my colleague but yes she can. Simple as that. It is her profession!

I spy with my little eye ...

2009-02-24T16:55:00.004Z

After saying yesterday that I am embarrassed to be working for a company which would be capitalising on the death of someone I would like to state that I soon will not be working for them.

Before you all jump to conclusions this has nothing to do with my rant yesterday but more to do with the economic decline which is happening all of the UK at present.

2 weeks ago I was called in to my Line Manager's office and informed that when my contract finishes on the 13th of March they unfortunately will not be able to extend it any further due to the severe lack of work within the department. I was reassured that this has nothing to do with my performance, as if they had the resources they would keep me, but unfortunately is the future of things to come as all the industries dramatic cut back on their work force.

So I'm job hunting.

This is quite scary as I haven't had to do it in almost 2 years and I have very few contacts truth be told.

Anyone reading looking for a Production Co-ordinator? Drop me a line if you are!

I know I'll be fine but it is just an added stress that I do not need.

I am joining the ranks of my friends though - too many of us seem to be losing our jobs at the moment but thankfully a fair few number of them are landing on their feet! The wonderful Lopz managed to get her dream job after receiving the boot and my ex housemate is getting an opportunity to find a job that he REALLY wants as opposed to just having one for the visa.

Perhaps it will be the best thing for me?

Guess who's back? Miss M's back ... back again!

2009-02-23T20:13:00.003Z

Right, first off I would like to apologise for my extended absence.

"See you soon" has turned in to almost 3 months but it isn't that I haven't TRIED to blog because I've sat with my laptop in front of me staring at the screen trying to figure out what fun and entertaining anecdote I can come back with. What can I start with to hook my readers back with a bang? I just haven't been able to write.

But I'm back now and I'm just going to jump right in there.

Jade Goody. I am so over it now. (If you don't know what I'm talking about please google it)

Yes I'm sad that she is dying, yes it is horrible and yes my heart goes out to her and her family. I completely understand where she is coming from, the poor woman is just trying to provide for her children after she has died and I get that. It is pure instinct and if I was in her position I would probably be doing the same thing.

It is us that I am repulsed by. It is the fact that we're willing to pay money to watch someone's slow and painful death. People seem to be fascinated by it. What sick society do we live in that people want to watch this?

Gordon Brown has spoken out about her, 300 000 pounds was just spent on a faerie tale wedding for her yesterday and you can barely turn anywhere without seeing her face. The owner of Harrods gave her a 3000 pound dream wedding dress and the Sugarbabes played at her wedding. Celebrities are rallying around her showing their support - Now I wouldn't have a problem if this was raising awareness of cervical cancer but all I can see is it raising more awareness of Jade and the British obsession with Celebrities lives. There have been no charities made to help other people with Cancer and no attempts of money to be raised which upsets me. Did she really need to spend all that money on a wedding? Wouldn't that money have been better spent on helping people who can't afford the world class treatment she is getting and trying to save more lives?

I am ashamed to be linked to this show; I'm ashamed to think that I work for a company that would cash in on the death of another human being and I am refusing to partake in it.

My company are jumping on this cash cow too. They're filming her final interview on national television where the general public can gorge their eyes on her for the last time. Am I the only one who thinks that this is sick?

I apologise for the rant but this has really been upsetting me - I'm back now and I promise some fun, laughter, tears and more rants purely for your entertainment!

Take a break, have a kit-kat

2008-11-12T09:32:00.003Z

I'm so sorry dear readers but I am going to have a take a break for a bit.

I hope to be back soon but at the moment my job is just too stressful and busy for me to even contimplate blogging. Spare time is being spent AWAY from work and blogging just feels like additional work at the moment so I just don't have the energy or desire.

This isn't goodbye, more of a see you soon!

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!

No more drugs for you!

2008-11-07T14:32:00.003Z

Lines delivered by my Series Producer today.

Does anyone have some deodorant I can use? I have arm pits like a sailor!

I'm so sexy, I have phlegm on my chin!

My husband is like my best friend. Plus he has a huge shaft!

A Friday is never dull in my office.

Have a fantastic weekend!

An Apology

2008-11-05T15:05:00.002Z

I have been a bad blogger of late.

It isn't that I don't love you guys, in fact when I think about my blog I feel massive amounts of guilt as I am letting my readers down by not being witty, intelligent and interesting. It is just that work has been so incredibly busy that BLOGGING about work is the last thing that I want to do.

And quite frankly it just hasn't been that exciting of late.

I could tell you how I accidentally called my Series Producer's father a Paedophile.

I still haven't lived that one down.

But I will leave that for another time.

But in all honestly with the amount of work that is being piled on me I just don't have the time to write any instances down and instead am either going home and collapsing or going climbing.

At present I am a glorified Travel Agent booking travel and hotels around the country for our shoots coming up through November and December.

And all I am actually doing is counting down the days until Jailbait and I head to Cape Town.

35 to go.

I promise I will be back soon giving you plenty of eye candy in my typical Miss M style so in the meantime please bear with me and don't abandon me!

Who's your Daddy?

2008-11-03T16:16:00.003Z

Nepotism is rife within the Television industry. This close knit community of people would rather have "one of their own" than allow a total random an opportunity. When given the choice between a bosses child and a poor sap who has applied for the position they always go with the family member.

This is extremely frustrating in some situations.

For example we have a Runner (for definitions of these roles read my previous post here) working on our current show. He happens to be the son of one of the Executive Producers within the company. In all fairness to him he did apply for the job without telling anyone who he was, but as soon as you see him and speak to him you would have to be deaf and blind not to notice who's son he is!

Now he is a sweetheart. I really like him and have no issues with him BUT it is more the role that is happening now.

No one wants to give him the runner jobs etc because of the fact that he is one of the Exec's son so on our shoots which are coming up we are having to hire another Runner to work on them.

It seems to redundant to me. Especially as I am working extremely hard over here trying to keep costs down.

Oh well.

Nepotism will forever be alive in the work place I guess.

I can just be proud of the fact that I made it where I am without any help from anyone.

There is no place like home, there is no place like home

2008-10-29T16:02:00.003Z

The toilet is my happy place at the moment.

It is the only quiet place in the entire department where people are not constantly harassing me and demanding things off of me.

It's cold in there.

The seat isn't very comfy and there is no reading material.

Yet it is my safe haven.

I think I am spending indecent amounts of time in there. My colleagues are probably starting to think that I have some sort of bladder dysfunction but I honestly do not care anymore.

The problem with having a really big team?

More people to bother you.

22 people to bother me at present.

All these whining voices

Miss M can you ...

Miss M I need ...

Miss M ...

BLAH BLAH BLAH

The toilet is a much better place.

Wrong signals

2008-10-28T17:05:00.002Z

Mixed signals in all aspects of life are just tiring and confusing.

Boys sending you the wrong signal just leads to embarrassing and frustrating situations.

Bosses telling you one thing and then changing around completely without informing you but expecting you to know is equally frustrating and embarrassing.

I worked with my current Manager on my previous show and we had a system with costs and money that I spent. I cleared everything with her and that was the way she liked to do it.

Now we're on this new show together and I was just continuing doing the same thing. I get this email

Miss M - if you can reference to the budget/cost monitor to see what we have budgeted in so I don't have to approve all hotel/travel for the team

Ok, fair enough but don't make me feel as if I'm putting you out for something that I was just used to doing.

Makes me feel a bit like a moron.

Oh well.

The clocks went back in the UK over the weekend. It is now dark at 1700 and thoroughly depressing. When we reach this time of the year I always feel the desperate need to move back to South Africa, I get horribly homesick and just want to return.

I often wonder how many Saffas return to SA vs how many settle and make a life for themselves in the UK.

It's a strange place here. I miss the sunshine.

Sorry this is a really disjointed post but kind of how I am feeling at the moment.

Overheard in the office

2008-10-26T23:09:00.001Z

Colleague 1: I think Daniel Craig is sexy

Colleague 2: I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating biscuits

Colleague 1: Hell, I'd invite him into bed to eat biscuits!

Yes.

We do so much work.

Bonding time with colleagues

2008-10-21T17:07:00.001+01:00

From: Researcher*
Sent: 21 October 2008
To: M, Miss
Subject:

Important question, you must drop everything to answer this:
Dan, Nate, or Chuck Bass – who’d get it??? **